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Hello again! :)
It feels so good to be home!  Seeing old faces and getting back into the swing of things is so much fun.  Being with my family isn't always the easiest thing though.  I love them to death, but when only parts of a family are living their lives for Christ, even everyday life can become strained. 

My goal for this spring break is to continue to live intentionally, and to live in love.  No fighting with my siblings or parents, and no complaining.  It's encouraging to see how much I've grown since Christmas.  My family needs a Savior.  My siblings are running from God to what they think they're looking for, and it breaks my heart.  If you're a praying type of person, and wouldn't mind praying for my family this week, I would really appreciate it. :)  We have a lot to go through, especially the decision about what I'll be doing next year. 

I am reminded that even though this is a break from school, this isn't a break from God.  I'm excited to be digging into the Word this week, and hopefully will be able to share what I'm reading and finding out throughout the week!  Have a blessed spring break, and if there's anything you'd like prayer about, let me know!  Love you all!

God Works in Mysteriously Wonderful Ways :)

I love being surrounded in my life by other followers of Jesus Christ.  It is fellowship with those that love the Ultimate God of Love that makes my soul sing.  A friend reminded me today of a verse that sums up my goal of this blog.  :)  In addition to just the verse she mentioned I have added below the rest of the passage.  It gives me great strength and courage to know that there is a purpose for this and my life.

1 Timothy 4:12 (NKJV)

Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.  

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.     

I am a great believer in reading around passages that have been brought to me.  I think it's something that a youth group leader suggested to me once.  Knowing the background of a verse by reading the preceding paragraph or chapter can shine a lot of insight on the specific verse, and may even change the whole meaning.  I would encourage you to do this on your own.  Don't just take my word for what the Bible says!  (Not that the meaning is changed or anything in this passage, I am just happy to have discovered the rest of it. smile  Again, thank you, Christy!)

1 Timothy 4:12-16 NKJV

Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.  (13) Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.   (14)  Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with he laying on of the hands of the eldership.  (15)  Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to them, that your progress may be evident to all.  (16) Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine.  continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.

1 Timothy 4:12-16 NIV

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. (13) Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching.  (14) Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

(15) Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see you progress.  (16) Watch your life and doctrine closely.  Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.  

I have been blessed today.  It's amazing how God can work in our lives if we are open to Him.  I'm not even sure if I can describe what has changed in me in the last 15 minutes, but I'll do my best.  

Even though I have no idea why it is God has called me to write this blog, I will do it in obedience to Him.  I may be young, but that's nothing to beat myself up about.  I may be uneducated in almost every sense of the word, but still I will press on.  I don't know that I'm setting any sort of example like verse 12 talks about, but I will continue to strive to live my life for Jesus.  I'm just a small town girl who doesn't know what she's supposed to do with her life.  Well, that's not the whole truth.  Right now, I am completely confident that my one job is to love Yahweh.  What else can I really do?  

I think verses 13-16 struck such a chord in me because I don't know what I should be doing with my life.  If I end up transferring schools next fall, I now know for sure that there is no shame in devoting my time there to studying scripture.  Although Paul was writing to Timothy here, verse 11 of chapter 4 specifically says, "Command and teach these things." (in the NIV) and "These things command and teach." (in the NKJV).  

The truth is that Jesus Christ is coming back someday soon.  When I stand before the Great White Throne to be judged like it talks about in Revelation chapter 20, I want to be ready to say that I did my best while living on this earth.  I believe that my name is already written in the Book of Life, and I believe that I will live in eternity with my Lord and Savior.  Do you have that assurance?  

The Hard Times

Have you ever gotten to that point where you just fall on you knees and scream, "Why, God?!"

I do... about every other day.  Crying out to God is something that I need to be doing every day.  I hate being complacent, and I think that it's about the worst place a believer can be.  To be complacent to me means that I think I'm doing alright, which is usually an immediate eye-opener that the only person I'm fooling is myself.

I'm human, so I will make mistakes.... every day.  There's no buts or ands about it.  What I forget sometimes is that I'm not just human, I'm a born again christian.  I believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for me.  My sin separates me from heaven and eternity with my father, Abba.  But Jesus, he paid the un-payable price.  He was totally innocent, and yet he let people wrongly accuse him of horrible things.  He is the epitome of true love.

Because I am a born again christian, I have an amazing opportunity every day.  I can come to my God, being broken and battered, and ask for forgiveness.  No matter how horrible a thing I've done.   But asking for forgiveness is something like a promise.  One of my favorite teachers of all time used to tell my class that, "Saying your sorry means you promise not to do it again."  Hearing that turned my world upside down.

I need to choose to lead an intentional life.  I know for me, it's not plausible to just live.  I believe that this incredible earth I love has an intelligent creator.  I believe that it was no accident I was created and put on this earth.  I can't see where I'm supposed to be going or what I'm supposed to be doing.  Heck, I can't think about cleaning my room without almost having a melt-down.  Doing homework seems pointless, especially when I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.  Meeting new people is more scary than almost anything I can imagine, and yet I have to keep pressing on.

You see, I get the same answer every time I fall on my knees.  The answer is that I just need to keep doing what I'm doing.  It may seem as though there is no rhyme or reason to my life, but that's okay.  I have to trust.  What kind of relationship do I really have with God if there is no trust?  If I don't trust Him with my WHOLE life, then He cannot work in me.  I cannot continue to grow closer to Him until I give over my fear each and EVERY day.  Do you know how incredibly hard it is put your faith in something that you can't see or feel or touch?

Lately I've been really missing home.  It's been 10 1/2 weeks since I've been back.  I'm a small-town girl who finds solace in sprawling fields of alfalfa and calves chasing each other in the springtime.  I miss driving down the highway and only seeing one car in a twenty-minute time span.  I miss seeing butterflies and going to the grocery store and recognizing every car in the parking lot.  I miss laying on my back in the grass or on my trampoline and watching the clouds float by while quail run around my yard.  Do you know why I miss these things?  :)  I miss these things because to me, they are a tangible representation of God's love. Standing at the top of the nearest mountain and looking down into the valley is always a deeply intimate time between my Savior and me.  I don't know why, but it is.  I love nature and being outdoors.

These are things I didn't realize until I left my quiet, country home for the city.  It struck me even more this week on a trip to L.A. with one of the bands I'm in.  I'm a simple kind of person who will any day be more at home on a farm or ranch than in college or the city.  But God has put me here for a purpose.  I have something to learn here, and more growing to do.  I'm still working on and struggling through choosing to intentionally live for Jesus every day.  It's a hard process.  Rome wasn't built in a day, and so I will keep moving on.

A year or two ago I read two books by Corrie Ten Boom.  They were The Hiding Place and Tramp for the Lord.  If you don't know Corrie's story, I won't spoil it for you.  Today I am reminded that my life is not my own, and that I need to be living for God no matter what I'm doing.  I would highly recommend both books for anyone who hasn't read them.  I would read The Hiding Place first.  It's Corrie's story of her life during WWII.  It changed my life.  I'll leave you with a quote that is found in Tramp for the Lord.


"My life is but a weaving between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.


Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned."
                                                  ~Author Unknown


Jesus loves you, and so do I.  Be blessed and go with Him.

Two Directions

Hi again.  :)

I want to share with you that my last post did not come from my desire to write in a blog.  After I finished brushing my teeth tonight (or this morning...it's late) I grabbed my Bible, a stack of notecards and claimed my spot on my floor.  (Every time I hear or see reference to a verse that I really like or is inspiring, I write it down on this one notecard.  The notecard is about ready to retire its so full.)  I just felt the need to spend time with my God.  My goal was to actually write out at least two verses from my notecard and read in Nahum (which is where I currently am in the OT), and then spend time in prayer and just meditating on God and what's going on in my life.  

Haha.  God is so good.  He had other plans, and I have no idea where that blog came from.  ALL the glory goes to God for everything written in this blog.  I give every praise to Him.  I have no idea how to write a blog.  Good thing I have the creator of the Universe on my side, huh? :)

Moving on though...

I feel that I'm being lead to have two parts to this blog.  One part being like my last two blogs where I share what's going on in my life, and the other part I think is going to be me sharing a verse and how it's helped me that day or shown me something new.  I just thought I'd let you know.  

I'm a notecard and sticky-note nut.. My desk and the wall right next to it are filled with both that have verses of inspiring quotes to live a better life.  My mirror has a growing collection also.  I'm sure my whole room will be spilling over soon.  I'll try and get pictures up so you can see.  This is most likely where the different verses will come from.  

For reals, goodnight!  Have a blessed day. :)

The Greatest Commandment

I found myself getting ready for bed tonight when I realized that I had not yet spent any time in direct communication with my Lord.  As I talked a little bit about in my last post, one of my goals right now is to be in the Word every day.  The past few weeks have been difficult for me.  I've been sick a lot lately, and have felt distant from God at some points.  That is silly though.  God promises to always be by our side.  He will never leave us nor forsake us.  We're the ones that turn our backs on the Almighty.  You know something funny?  When I feel distant from God is when I find myself the most reluctant to come to Him.  I feel as though I'm unworthy or that I can't approach Him.  Again, this is silly.  I am not now and will NEVER  be worthy to approach His throne.  The good news is that Christ died for me on a cross, when He was innocent, so that I can approach God clean and forgiven.  Jesus' blood paid the price of my sins and mistakes, and every moment I spend not in constant prayer with the Lord is a waste of time in my opinion.  


The title of this blog is The Greatest Commandment and that is where I feel God leading me to tonight.  The passage that inspired the title of my blog is Deuteronomy 6:4.  (I use the NKJV Nelson Study Bible and so most scripture quoted in this blog will be NKJV unless otherwise noted)

Deuteronomy 6:4

"Hear, O Israel:  The Lord our God, the Lord is one!  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

**The following is a section of notes from my Bible the directly relates to this verse.  I found it helpful and thought others might also.  Like I said, I use the Nelson NKJV Study Bible, and do not claim any of the following paragraph to be my own words.**

This passage is the basic confession of faith in Judaism and is called the Shemà.  Shemà is the Hebrew word for hear.  The verse starts with a command for the people to respond properly to God.  They must listen and obey.  The Lord our God indicates the people's relationship with the living God.  He had come into the lives of His people; it was not that they had ascended to Him.  He had saved them from slavery in Egypt, guided them through the wilderness, and given them His instructions.  Further, He was about to give them His land.  The Lord is One means "the Lord alone."  There is only one God.

(This is me speaking now. smile)  

As I talked about in my last post, God has been showing me that the most important thing is that I capital L, capital O, capital V, capital E Him with everything I have.  As simple as that.  But think about it.  What happens when you truly love someone?  I can't speak about romantic love because I haven't yet met the man God has for my life, but I can speak for brotherly and sisterly love in Christ.  When you love someone, you trust them completely.  You don't question them when they tell you they have a surprise for you and lead you blindfolded into a room.  You know that they have your best interest in mind.  You let go of any fears you have and open up your heart.  You let yourself be vulnerable because you know you are with someone you can trust.  Imagine your best friend on this earth.  They probably know everything about you.  You trust them, with everything you have.  (If you don't feel this way about your best friend, I would seriously and prayerfully consider what your relationship is founded on)

You wanna know something?  

God wants to be our Best Friend.  He desires to be the First person we turn to when something happens in our lives, no matter what it is.  He is our Heavenly Father, and he loves us more than we can imagine while still on this earth.  As it says in Duet. 6:4 "..You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength."  What does that truly mean?  It means that He is the first person you want to tell the exciting news to when you get an A on your final in that really hard class.  It means that He is the first person you cry to when you hear about the death of a friend.  He's the first person you want to text when you're just having a bad day.  God desires a relationship with us more than anything else.  Jesus said in Matthew 22:37,38

          "...'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.'  This is the first and great commandment..."

Jesus was quoting Duet. 6:4 here, and He clearly states that it is the first and greatest commandment.  God desires for us to love Him.  I have found these last few months that truly loving God is the hardest thing I could ever do.  Because truly loving God means that I give Him my whole heart.  It means that I don't hold anything back or keep secrets.  (He's the God of the Universe, so I couldn't keep secrets from Him, even if I tried.)  Loving God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind means that I don't linger or care about the things of this world.  It means that God has to be my Everything.  And it's scary.  I fail.  Every. Single. Day.  But God is using my failures to teach me.  I can see myself growing, if only a tenth of a centimeter each day growing closer to Him.  This journey is not easy.  But then again, no one ever promised it would be.  

So for now, I'm going to be daily seeking God as much as I can.  While standing in line at the cafeteria, while reading the next selected work for my poetry class, while surfing facebook.  I believe God has called me to Himself.  To grow closer to Him and to love Him above all else.  

A song comes to mind tonight.  It's called By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North.  Think about checking it out.  God bless, and I pray that you would seek to grow closer to God's heart this week.  Don't be afraid to open your Bible and read.  I suggest praying, reading, and thanking God.  I'm no authority whatsoever.  Be yourself, and see what He shows you.  

The Motions

For the past few years of my life I have felt this restlessness inside that for awhile I couldn't even begin to explain.  I just felt like there was something more important to be living for than good grades and learning where to put a comma in a sentence.  These are good things in life, but I believe there is so much more.

The small town that I come from has a surprisingly large number of churches for the number of people.  It would be true to say that most of my community is religious and/or attends church on a weekly basis.  But to most people in my community, God is just  someone you hear about on Sundays or Wednesdays.  In my community, there are few it seems who have anything to do with Christ and his Kingdom outside of church buildings.  

We do all of the right things.  We go to church on Sunday, we donate food to Food Share, we tithe, and we pray for those around us and across the world who don't have a personal relationship with Jesus.  My community is mostly dormant though.  Everyone knows everyone, and everyone knows who the christians are, and who the non-religious people are.  For some reason we don't feel the need to reach out to those around us.  God isn't talked about on a daily basis in most homes across my community.  In Sunday School, we are told to read our Bibles every day and to pray and to be good examples in school.  We are taught to not cuss or do drugs or have sex.  

We are told these things... what NOT to do.  More often than not though, we aren't told what we can be doing to further the kingdom of God.  Sarah (my best friend.. I've decided that since you don't probably know me personally, I can use her real name with no harm.)  and I decided around freshman year that we needed to be doing more.  We had learned all the Bible stories, and grown up in christian homes, but we knew there was something we were missing.  

We decided to start a Bible Study and order some books to help us through our reading of the scriptures.  You see, when we were young we had always been told that we shouldn't just open our Bibles and start reading wherever we find ourselves.  We were told that you need to have a purpose when you read the Bible, and that just opening the Bible won't give you answers you're looking for.  I do not believe that this statement is true.  I believe that God can work through His Holy Word in miraculous ways.  You see, when I was told that, I felt that in order to read the Bible I had to have a plan, or I needed to start at the first chapter of every book and read everything in order.  I became scared that I would be punished for something.  Looking back, that doesn't even make sense.   If you believe this, I have good news for you.  It's not true.  

I believed that I needed a book or Bible reading plan to guide me in my trek through the Bible.  All that God wants from us though is our heart.  He wants us to want to know Him more.  That's the beauty of it.  Reading the Bible is not some religious, outward thing we do to show others we're christians.  We do it to grow closer to God's own heart.  

I don't think I truly realized this until the beginning of this school year.  I still thought that I needed something guiding me.  Or when I tried to dig into the Word on my own, I would just get overwhelmed.  What I needed was someone to tell me that it doesn't matter where you start.  You can start with something small.  You can read one verse.  Most importantly though, talk to God.  He has so much He wants to show you through His inspired Word.  Read something, then meditate on it, or talk to God about it.  Maybe a song comes to mind.  Spending time with God doesn't have to be you putting on a big show.  Something simple, coming from your heart is all He wants.

After Sarah and I decided to do something about our lives, we began to see things in our lives that God wanted us to change.  Some things were our attitudes towards our siblings, and how our time was spent.  You wanna know a secret?  We did our best to change these things, but time and again we failed.  You see, Sarah and I... we're human.  Ha, I know, big surprise, right?  We're christians, and we're supposed to have everything figured out.  That's another lie that people are told.  I'm telling you, it's NOT true.  Sure we failed.  The difference though?  We knew we failed.  I think that this is one of the most important parts of growing in Christ.  When you can see what you've done wrong, you can see how to fix it.  After failing time and time and time again, we began to pour our hearts out to God.  I prayed continually to have a better attitude towards my family.  God heard my prayers, and opened my heart for healing.  I still mess up.. a lot.  But God uses those opportunities for me to turn to Him and repent and grow closer to His heart.  The good news is that God answers prayers.  I honestly believe that.  He has changed my heart so much the past few years, and I am so thankful for the distance He has brought me so far.

I believe that there is more to life than going to college, getting married, having a job, and being successful in whatever you choose.  I believe that I was put on this earth for something more.  I don't think it's a mistake that Sarah and I decided to question the things we knew at such a young age.  I don't think it's a mistake that I'm writing on this blog about God and His plan for me.  I believe that I am blessed.  God doesn't need me to do anything.  He wants me though.  He wants to use me for something.  I'm not completely sure what that is yet, but I know the He has a plan.  Every day I will keep asking, keep searching, and keep knocking.  I have been promised answers, and so have you.  God's will is always the best way, even if it's the hardest or most confusing.

I don't want to just live my life.  I don't want to get a job and be comfortable and live a good life than die.  I want to live for Jesus Christ.  I want to answer the call that was given after Jesus rose from the grave.  He said, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature".  I believe there is so much more to life than just living.  This song really sums up how I feel.  If you haven't heard it, I would strongly suggest listening to it on YouTube or something.  God bless, and thanks for reading.  If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment or email me.  I'd love to hear from you. :)

Motions by Matthew West

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break,

At least I'll be feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)

take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

                                         I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)

take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

take me all the way (through the motions)

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Happenings as of Late

I'm sorry it's been so long!  I come here and think about everything I could be sharing, but then I usually get scared and don't end up writing anything.  I've come to realize though, that it's selfish of me to not post something God has been putting on my heart when there is someone else out there who may need to hear the same thing.  Please bear with me for the next couple of months, as I get used to this.

Sometimes, I doubt myself as a writer.  I know God will uphold me though, and get the message across in the right way.  Smile.

I'll start with the most exciting things first.

Just to protect myself and anonymity, I'm not going to use places or names.  I'll just use the Pacific Northwest for describing what God has been doing in my life.  As I may have already mentioned, I am a freshman at a University in the Pacific Northwest. Grin.  My time here has been amazing, and God has blessed me beyond imagination.  I have a great church that I attend, an amazing support system (both family and friends), and I love being able to be apart of the music here.  I'm involved in many bands and choirs here, and it has been a great learning experience.

Recently, God has been calling me to something more.  At first I couldn't really discern what it was God was trying to tell me.  It was just like someone was poking me... and poking me... and poking me.. but I didn't know why.  For as amazing as all that I have is, I know that I am not living my life to the fullest.  This University cannot give me the Biblical foundation and Spiritual nurturing that I believe God wants me to be apart of.  My best friend (S is what we'll call her) recently called me and was telling me about a school she was finishing an application for.  This school we both visited last year.  At the time of our visit though, I had already committed to attending University, and so just shrugged off my feelings of joy that the small campus brought to me.  Don't get me wrong here though.  I know that God has me at University right now for a reason.  I have grown and matured so much in my faith in the last 17 weeks of school, and I know without a doubt that being here was something I had to do to experience this.
Back to the story. Chuckle. It is a small, private, Christian college, that S was talking about, and I decided to just look at the web page.  I browsed to their website and found that they were having a prospective student visit.

This was the first step that God really showed me in this process.  I looked at my calendar, and found that in my busy, hectic schedule (I know, it's something I'm working on), I had nothing, I repeat NOTHING going on that weekend (a Friday and Saturday).  I immediately picked up the phone to call S, but it was the middle of the afternoon, and her mother answered the phone.  I asked her to look at the calender, and it was decided that they could make the 7 1/2 hour trip to visit.  S, who is also busy with Ski season, miraculously had nothing going on that weekend either.  I felt that this was God working in our lives.  I don't believe in coincidences.  I do believe in one Almighty God.

So the weekend came, and we made our way to College for our visit.  I went in with the mindset that I was just there to look, not decide anything.  I was in pleading with God to either shut the door in my face or swing it wide open in the decision of where I should continue my education.  The weekend was exactly what we both needed.  Neither of us were exactly looking for a place to go to school, but just some answers along the journey.  God showed both S and me how easily we could live there, and how College could indeed become our second home.  We even made a list of all the things we liked (We had to have Something to show our parents and prove we didn't just have fun!).

The truth is, that for my own life, I don't, and have never felt, the need to enter the job market and make money.  Some may call it laziness, some may call it absurdness, and some may call it just plum crazy.  But, I know for myself that I do not need to make money to be happy.  This life is so short, and I don't see the point wasting my time with what society thinks.  My treasures will be stored in Heaven, folks.  This ties into this post, because I don't know what to do with my life.  I would be completely happy getting married and being a stay at home mom.  I could also see myself owning a bookstore, so that I can share the love of reading with other people.  I have no idea what to do get a degree in though.  College, I believe can help me.  I would most likely enter into their Religion and Christian Ministries degree.  I would choose RCM because I truly believe that God is calling me to learn more about Him, and His people, and history.  I have always had a passion for reading and history, and I believe that God is asking me to learn more about Him.

I'm sorry this is such a long post.  I'll get better at this, just bear with me, please :)

First blog post.

It's unbelievable that January has come and almost gone already.  This month I have been working on deepening my relationship with God, and just spending time with Him.  Some of my times of worship have been so sweet.  Others, God has shown me what I need to work on, or what I need to do.  Recently, it's been put on my heart whether or not I'm supposed to be where I am.  I can only pray, and know that God will not leave me and will never forsake me.  That's seriously so nice to know.

This is my first post, and so I'm a little nervous.  My goal in this blog is to have a place to pour out my heart with what God is teaching me, and to hear your responses (well, if I ever have readers) as well as what God has been doing in your life.  Thanks for reading.

Until next time! :)