Me and School

The truth is.... I don't like school.
I love learning, I love reading, but for some reason school is so hard for me to do.
My motivation in the morning is generally at zero.  Two chapters of the New Testament (currently Luke), two frozen waffles,  a cup of coffee, and a shower later I'm still generally wanting to crawl back into bed.
What is it that scares me?  What is it that makes me feel like I don't belong?  I don't know.  I'm just stuck.

Maybe it's because I still don't really know what God wants me to do how I'm supposed to do this.  What are my dreams?  The things that have been cultivated inside of me and growing since I was a little girl?  To be a wife.  A mother.  A cattle ranching, hay making farmer.  I don't want to be in an office five days a week with a week off for Christmas and other holidays.  I love the land.  I love to work the land.  I don't know a lot there is to know about farming and ranching, but who really has all of the answers?  I'm willing to learn...and I guess that's why I'm here. 

Will you walk with me during this time of searching out answers?   

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened"

Matthew 7:7&8

 ~Kaitlynn

PTL

Praise the Lord!
It looks like Mar and I have found a roommate.  Not only is this a huge answer to prayer for the finance department, but it's also just plain exciting! 
I'm super excited to have a fellow blogger in the apartment as well as a sister in Christ! 

This summer was a big fat black hole in my walk.  Stagnant, dark waters that I'm glad to be over.  The thing is now I have to re-train myself to spend time in the Word, and in prayer.  Some of you may remember my goal last January to read the Bible in 90 days?  Well...let's just say that I'm in Mark chapter 8..and it's October 3rd.  My goal is to read 2 chapters a day.

Fact: 
When I get up before dawn, make some coffee, eat some breakfast, read and pray my day goes 100 times better than if I hadn't. 
Loading the Bible Experience (click here to listen to a snip) onto my iPod to correlate with what I'm reading that day so I can listen to it while walking around campus, even better. 

Here are some links to blogs and random things that I find encouraging! 
A Holy Experience - by Ann Voskamp.  One. Of. My. Favorites.Period
Resolved2Worship - by Alyssa  This is another great one from the heart.
(in)courage - an EXCELLENT resource for all things encouraging, uplifting, and just fantastic for women. 

So yeah.  These are some of the places that I like to hang out at and just breathe.  Breathe in the presence of my Lord and Savior. 

Because mercy and grace really are enough,
Kaitlynn

Summertime Update

 

(This post was originally wrote on the 6th. I decided to keep it and post it late, even though I somehow failed to post it when I wrote it.)

Where has the summer gone?  I guess I don't have much to complain about because I've been saying all summer that I'm ready for school to start again.  Still, September 6^th is a little scary. 

Today I'm working in across the border.  Of course the day my boss lets me go somewhere else, there's actually fire to fight at home.  Oh well.  It's good practice for the rookies.  :)

The first week of August we hosted my favorite youth group from WA again!!!!!!!!  Oh how I absolutely loved seeing them and hanging out!!!  They actually run our VBS program for us which is awesome.  My mom is our church secretary and I know that she doesn't need the added stress.  When the WA group is here, everyone has a blast.  We were sad to see them go, but email and texting is very nice.

This weekend was our county fair.  Oh my goodness am I tired!!!  I could sleep for a week.  But work calls, and so I am working today after a VERY full weekend.  My mom is the treasurer of the Market Sale Committee here in our small town, and I have had the privilege to help her for the past 3 years.  This year we went all out and gave her office a MUCH NEEDED makeover.  We started preparing for the fair about a month ago.  I can say that without a doubt all of our hard efforts and long days paid off.  We had a very good fair with very few issues!

This past Saturday I had the extreme privilege of co-opening for the CMT New Artist of the Year 2011 Awardee THE BAND PERRY!!!!  Wow.  That's pretty much all I can say.  It was awesome, nerve wracking, and almost made me throw up, but overall I'm very glad I did it.  No performance is perfect, and this one certainly wasn't, but it was something I am proud of. :)  I did it, and that's what really matters.

I also got to babysit my favorite kids this weekend.  Last night was a great night of giving Miss B shoulder rides and feeding the horses apples and helping the boys with their roping.  Gosh, I love those kids.  I had their mother as a teacher in high school, and I've been babysitting them during fair for 4 or 5 years now I think.  Which is crazy! 

Time Away

Hi :)
I've been absent for a while.  There's been a lot going on recently, and I'm scared to say that we're already half way through July.   Where has the time gone?  I feel like the more appropriate question to ask myself is, "What have I been doing lately?"  

 The past month seems like a blur in my mind.  The days all run together, and honestly, I am tired.  Sleep has been elusive at most and interrupted at best.  I don't know what it is.......  Now that I type this, I could smack myself in the head. 


When God is trying to tell me something, I generally become very good at being: elusive, interrupting, stubborn, and sometimes just plain daft.  Hahaha.  This isn't really a laughing matter, but it makes me smile to see how the Lord works.  


You see, when I wake up multiple times at night, it generally means that I need to be on my knees praying.  I've been so worried about getting enough sleep lately, that apparently I've forgotten all about that.  Living in communion with God.  


Summer (and my job in particular) has been a consistently difficult time for me, especially the past 3 years, spiritually.  I work for the government with a group of people who for the most part don't believe in any religion at all.  In an office where personalities clash, and gossip runs full speed around every corner, I find it extremely difficult to live out my faith.  9 times out of 10 I fail.  


I feel distant from the Father.
My head tells me He's here, sitting next to me, holding me in a loving embrace.  
My heart and emotions tell me that I've messed up one too many times, and that I don't deserve grace.  I don't deserve mercy and forgiveness.  

But that's what Jesus died on the cross for.  He died in my place.  He bore the weight of my sins on Calvary.....All because he loves me.  

Me: the girl who judges too quick-talks when she shouldn't-forgets to read her Bible- has never finished a Bible study all the way through - and struggles.  


The silver lining to this bleak post is that my sins have been forgiven.  I've been washed clean in the blood of the Lamb.  I'm not perfect.  But sometimes, I think I try to be.  Jesus doesn't want perfectionism from us, he just wants us.  The real-deal, no fancy makeup or nice clothes.  We don't have to speak 5 languages and have a degree from an Ivy-league college in order to worship Hosanna.  We are invited to stand before the throne, broken and raw.  That's a scary place to be.  


What are you struggling with?  What has God been trying to point out to you lately that you want to ignore?

 - Kaitlynn Marie

Cutting the apron strings

photo credit

Today is my 6 month anniversary of being Facebook free!!!  Today, my last ties to social media networking are being cut.  I was one of the first of my friends to join Facebook, back in my junior year of high school, and today I am going to be one of the first to leave.

People don't understand why I'm walking away from connection to the world.... but that's just it.  I don't want to be plugged in.  How can I work on being not of this world if my life is so consumed with being connected to the world.  I admit that I don't have all the answers.  I don't see what choosing this path will do for me in the long run.
But I do know that for me, this path, this choosing to turn off Facebook is me choosing the narrow path.  Matthew 7:13 and 14 says this:

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.   Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."

I also really like the way that The Message words verse 14.

The way to life-to God!-is vigorous and requires total attention.

Total attention.  Every. single. ounce. of my being, of my strength.  Total attention is all encompassing.  It means that I'm giving everything to my Redeemer.  I will let nothing stand in the way of my relationship with Him and with the work that He has given me to complete.

I'm not at the point of 'total attention' yet.  But this is one more step of purposefully walking down the road that the Lord has assigned to me.  We've all been given different paths to follow, all narrow, and all leading to Jesus.  That's what we have to remember.  When we come around a bend to find downed trees in the middle of our country lane, it's not wisdom to leave the path and find a way around it.  Wisdom is camping down under the stars for a night and thinking about how Jesus made it through our downed trees.  He didn't stray from the path in order to find an easier route.    We have to stay the path we've been given.  Maybe that means we wait until God brings someone else down our country lane in order to help us pull the branches away, or maybe the Creator of Heaven and Earth will leave a chainsaw by our pillow in the middle of the night.  He will always provide a way, and provision along with it. 
Matthew 6: 25-30 (emphasis added)

 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;  and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

What can you scale down or eliminate in your life in order to let God have your total attention?
I'm working on my problem with unjust judgment and simplifying.


This is what the Lord says:
"Stand at the crossroads and look;
Ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is,
and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."
~Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV)

-Kaitlynn Marie  

I Don't Hold the Gavel

In my house-church we've been going through the book of James.
At my college-group, we've been going through Matthew (specifically chapters 6 and 7). 

When God has something He wants to show you....He makes it pretty obvious.  I have been struggling with judging others.  I think the root of it can be found in the judgment I lay on myself for not meeting up to my own standards.  I don't know when it all started.  I can't pinpoint the moment.  It just did.

In Matthew 7 Jesus says,
“Judge not, that you be not judged.  For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.  And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (NKJV)

-or-

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults-unless, of course, you want the same treatment.  That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging.  It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own.  Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt?  It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. (The Message)


When we think about a judge (courtroom, fancy robes, lawyers & attorneys, security guards,etc.) there are a few attributes we hope that they possess, like impartiality and a sense of justice.  In a court of law, any bias or pre-conceived notion is intolerable.  I think it's interesting to compare that definition of a judge to my struggle with judging people.  I have a hard time giving people the benefit of the doubt, and I generally always have pre-conveived notions.  What is the difference between a court of law judge and myself?  I have not been created to be the judge of another's life.  

In trying to simplify my life and understand who I have been created to be and what I have been created to do, this problem with proclaiming judgment on others [in my heart alone, but still as offensive to the Father as out loud] has waged war on my heart.  It's plagued my waking hours and my dreams.  How do I stop the judging?

The first step: Asking for your prayer, as well as knowing that my wonderful brothers and sisters here beside me are holding me up.
The second step: Turning it over to God as soon as the creeping thought is caught.  James 3 talks about how the tongue cannot be tamed by man.  It is a definite, unchangeable fact.  There's nothing to interpret.  The tongue cannot be tamed by man.  This tongue of mine that speaks in my heart cannot be tamed by man either.     Jesus, the God-man: fully God and fully man, can control this wild tongue that has done damage to my heart and soul.  He can reseal the cracks I've caused and heal the broken pieces. 
The third step: Seeking those things that are pure and holy to fill the spaces where the brokenness is cleared out of.   Continuing to read and dig deeper into the God-breathed Word that I so often forget about or turn away from to instead fill with blogs or McLeod's Daughters, or Disney movies with friends.  


This point in my life is about changing the unhealthy habits, cleaning out the clutter, and finding the things to be thankful for in the process.


Anything that God's been pointing out to you lately that you need to change?  Whether you've been acknowledging it or not? 



 

continued...Important Things

1. My relationship with Jesus
     1a.  Updating my prayer notecard every week
     1b.  Savoring my quiet time every morning.
     1c.  Giving thanks
     1d.  Spend more time in meaningful worship.
2. Sleep
     2a.  Get 8 or more hours of sleep a night
3. School
     3a.  Use my planner
     3b.  Catch up on reading (...I have a lot)
     3c.  Start studying for finals/midterms...NOW!!
     3d.  Study for map quizzes/current events before Wednesday night.
     3e.  Catch up on math homework. 
4. Eating Healthy
     4a.  Plan meals!
     4b.  Incorporate more fruits and veggies!!
     4c.  Drink more water!
5. Relationships with roommates/siblings/family/friends
     5a.  Spend quality time with the people I love, and work on nurturing precious relationships.  

Right now, these are the important things... here are some extras though

1.  Simplifying the stuff in my life...(In fact, this weekend my bedroom is getting a makeover...as in everything not necessary or deemed unnecessary is either going in the trash or to Goodwill. I am blessed to have the best roommate in the world who has told me in no uncertain terms that she's helping me this weekend.  I've been out of control lately....and it shows in the most interesting places)
2.  Thinking before I react and before I open my mouth.


This weekend my goal is to catch up on mostly everything on my list.  I've been traveling or had company for the last month, so it will be nice to have a weekend with no agenda!!!

Have a blessed Friday!

Kaitlynn Marie :)

The Important Things in Life

Some of you know about my departure from Facebook.  Today marks the 5 month anniversary of my facebook-free life!  Do you want to know the truth?  I haven't missed it at all.  In fact I think on the first of June I'm going to delete it. 

At this stage in my life I'm really trying to filter through everything I choose to put my time and energy into.  Facebook was the first to be cut, and it won't be the last.  Not only am I moving into the process of filtering the activities I participate in, but also the things that fill up my space (aka bedroom/domain/theplacewhereeverythingmagicallygetslostinablackhole)  Do I really need 25 t-shirts? (Okay, that's a rough guess.... but it's somewhere around there)  Do I really have a need for 30 pens/pencils, books, notecards, movies, everything.

Where do you draw the line?  Or more importantly, where has God already drawn the line?  What are the things that I have to choose to give up so that I can be in the place God wants me?
How are the things that I choose to put into my life affecting how I react to life?  When something happens, how do I react?  How do the things I surround myself effect how I react?   I think that these are relevant questions,  hard questions, and they're worth digging into.

I heard the song What Do I Know of Holy on the radio this morning on my way to school.  It really made me stop and think.  What do I know of Holy?  All I know is that I'm a small town girl who is still figuring out how to live by faith every. single. day. 

Thank about it:  What in your life needs to be thrown out, sold, handed-down, or simply sorted through?  Is it your closet, your diet, habits, or just your relationship with Jesus that needs to be re-evaluated?  Take some time this week to really sit down and think it through, then act.  Do something about it. 

I went through my closet this week.  I donated 10 shirts, a pair of pants, and a pair of shorts that I don't wear very often.  Simple, yet it makes such an impact. 

Girl's Weekend

I'm super excited.  In about 4ish hours I will be on the road headed East to the middle of nowhere. :)  With two friends, our cowboy boots, and lots of warm clothes.  
This weekend is my roomate's family branding.  I got to go last year and had a fantastic time!!!  Tomorrow morning bright and early we have 200 head of cattle to vaccinate, tag, and castrate if necessary. (It's just the girls going this year...I'm sure we'll be put on vaccination duty again :)  We can't get in much trouble there ;) )
I'm excited for a fun-filled weekend of family, friends, ranching, and the beautiful outdoors.  It'll be interesting to see how God chooses to work this weekend, and to see what we all have to learn.
Have a wonderful weekend!

Pray

It's the very least we can do in light of what's going on in Washington right now.

here, here, and here are some links with information.