We found out last week that my Papa's cancer does not involve a tumor or any lymph nodes! Praise the Lord! They decided to still go on their yearly trip to Hawaii, although this will be their last year.
In other good news I found out that I was accepted into a Youth With a Mission (YWAM) Discipleship Training School (DTS) in Townsville, Australia! I'll be going this October, and will be back in the States in March of 2014! I'm blogging about that over here.
Praying that you all had a safe and happy New Years!
Until next time,
Katie
Wednesday, January 2
Saturday, December 22
Hard Things in Life.
It's seems like it hasn't been that long since I've been here, but that's because I've thought about posting a lot... and just haven't done it. So welcome back.
Today my family received some very hard news. We found out that my grandfather (Papa) has cancer. It's in his breast, which is rare for men, and his doctor is going to operate to remove it somewhere around January 9th.
My Papa is the strongest, kindest, funniest man I know. It's from him that we get our music, although I'm sad to say I did not get his whistling gene! It upsets me that he has to go through this, but life if fleeting. I stayed with my grandparent's two weeks ago for a week and one night at dinner Gammy and Papa started talking about their childhoods and how things were different. We're talking no electricity or running water in their older sibling's homes. (They are both the babies of large families) I love to hear them talk and reminisce about an entire different world, a simpler world.
Right now we're praying that the cancer doesn't spread at all and that the doctor can remove everything during the surgery. I'm not ready for him to go anywhere. Although I know that I'll see him in heaven someday if his last day is anywhere in the near future. I want to make my grandparents great-grandparents, and I want my children to know my Papa. He's the best Papa in the world and has been there at every turn for me. It doesn't sound like the cancer is bad, but having a family member diagnosed is not something you ever imagine.
Hug your family tight this Christmas, I will be especially.
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you."
Jeremiah 29:11
Today my family received some very hard news. We found out that my grandfather (Papa) has cancer. It's in his breast, which is rare for men, and his doctor is going to operate to remove it somewhere around January 9th.
My Papa is the strongest, kindest, funniest man I know. It's from him that we get our music, although I'm sad to say I did not get his whistling gene! It upsets me that he has to go through this, but life if fleeting. I stayed with my grandparent's two weeks ago for a week and one night at dinner Gammy and Papa started talking about their childhoods and how things were different. We're talking no electricity or running water in their older sibling's homes. (They are both the babies of large families) I love to hear them talk and reminisce about an entire different world, a simpler world.
Right now we're praying that the cancer doesn't spread at all and that the doctor can remove everything during the surgery. I'm not ready for him to go anywhere. Although I know that I'll see him in heaven someday if his last day is anywhere in the near future. I want to make my grandparents great-grandparents, and I want my children to know my Papa. He's the best Papa in the world and has been there at every turn for me. It doesn't sound like the cancer is bad, but having a family member diagnosed is not something you ever imagine.
Hug your family tight this Christmas, I will be especially.
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you."
Jeremiah 29:11
Thursday, September 27
Wholly Committed
Tonight I went to a bible study at my home church. They are working on a study by Chip Ingram called Living on the Edge. Dare to Experience True Spirituality. The topic tonight was about what God wants the most from us. The answer? Complete surrender.
One of the questions asked was, "What is your biggest barrier to complete surrender? Is there anything that keeps you from saying 'I'm all in'? Or for those of you who are all in, what was the number one fear that kept you from surrendering to Christ?" I was the youngest person in the room by at least 20 years, and most of the answers that came from the other attendees had to do with being selfish, and wanting to maintain control over their lives. This is what I wrote:
The thing is, if we were all perfect, if we never failed and never did anything wrong, we would not know God's grace. We wouldn't know the love of being welcomed back into the arms of the Father, and we wouldn't see mercy up close and personal. The cross wouldn't hold any meaning, and the resurrection of our Saviour would be pointless. But we do make mistakes. Every. Single. Day. Little ones, big ones, green ones, purple ones. It's how we respond to our own mistakes, and what we choose to do with the consequences and our actions that bring us closer to the Lord. I'm a real-life, messy all the time, beautiful, loud {you may not believe it, just ask my mother.. the good Lord gave me lungs}, and sometimes crazy girl. I say stupid things, hold stupid grudges, sing at the top of my lungs and don't pick up my clothes. I hit the snooze button a minimum of 5 times every morning, and struggle within myself to do the right thing and choose God over convenience and/or laziness. In fact, I'm still struggling to open my Bible. Right now. Pray for me? We are called "The children of God" for a reason. When we choose to be a part of this family we have to relearn everything. Walking isn't just one foot in front of the other anymore. Now it includes our spiritual feet. Talking isn't just about voicing our opinion, and communicating that we need to eat or sleep. We now have to learn to use our voice to pray, worship, and lift each other up. Learning now encompasses places that we cannot see, and events that have not taken place yet. Interesting how you don't hear "The teenagers of God" or "The adults of God"..... Nobody wants to grow up, right? This is the perfect time to really embrace our childhood and relearn everything from the ground up. Literally.
One of the questions asked was, "What is your biggest barrier to complete surrender? Is there anything that keeps you from saying 'I'm all in'? Or for those of you who are all in, what was the number one fear that kept you from surrendering to Christ?" I was the youngest person in the room by at least 20 years, and most of the answers that came from the other attendees had to do with being selfish, and wanting to maintain control over their lives. This is what I wrote:
What if I fail?Sure, I worry about having to give up things I like to do, or living in a comfortable home, but the thing that holds me back most of the time is failure. What happens if I royally screw something up? I chose, many years ago, to give my life fully to Christ and let him take the reins. Human nature, my sinful nature, has tried to take the reins back at many different stages. But what I have to learn is that I can't take back what I've already given... it's more like a little struggle.. which generally ends with me landed in the mud, with a wheel stuck. At which point I choose to walk away for a while to clear my head and decide what I'm going to do.
The thing is, if we were all perfect, if we never failed and never did anything wrong, we would not know God's grace. We wouldn't know the love of being welcomed back into the arms of the Father, and we wouldn't see mercy up close and personal. The cross wouldn't hold any meaning, and the resurrection of our Saviour would be pointless. But we do make mistakes. Every. Single. Day. Little ones, big ones, green ones, purple ones. It's how we respond to our own mistakes, and what we choose to do with the consequences and our actions that bring us closer to the Lord. I'm a real-life, messy all the time, beautiful, loud {you may not believe it, just ask my mother.. the good Lord gave me lungs}, and sometimes crazy girl. I say stupid things, hold stupid grudges, sing at the top of my lungs and don't pick up my clothes. I hit the snooze button a minimum of 5 times every morning, and struggle within myself to do the right thing and choose God over convenience and/or laziness. In fact, I'm still struggling to open my Bible. Right now. Pray for me? We are called "The children of God" for a reason. When we choose to be a part of this family we have to relearn everything. Walking isn't just one foot in front of the other anymore. Now it includes our spiritual feet. Talking isn't just about voicing our opinion, and communicating that we need to eat or sleep. We now have to learn to use our voice to pray, worship, and lift each other up. Learning now encompasses places that we cannot see, and events that have not taken place yet. Interesting how you don't hear "The teenagers of God" or "The adults of God"..... Nobody wants to grow up, right? This is the perfect time to really embrace our childhood and relearn everything from the ground up. Literally.
Wednesday, September 26
Moving Forward
Tonight my momma and I got to pray together about some extended family issues. It's so good to be reminded through prayer of the strength of the Lord. He can accomplish anything.
I've been struggling with anger towards my sister. The past year has actually been very hard. She's made decisions that I don't agree with, and that I feel have disrespected our family and everything we stand for. But I'm reminded that her choices are her own. The only thing I can do is love her.
Momma and I have been watching One Tree Hill, and this quote is from season 9.
I've been struggling with anger towards my sister. The past year has actually been very hard. She's made decisions that I don't agree with, and that I feel have disrespected our family and everything we stand for. But I'm reminded that her choices are her own. The only thing I can do is love her.
Momma and I have been watching One Tree Hill, and this quote is from season 9.
"Love means giving chances when there are no more chances left to give."When I heard that I realized that at the end of the day, we will always be sisters. I can waste time being upset at the choices she's made, be mad at how she's treated me, but in the end it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I love her for who she is and pray that she finds the Lord. We always said that we wouldn't be like our parent's siblings. They hate each other and fight all the time, and it's painful. I refuse to get to that point. I don't know what my relationship with my sister is supposed to look like, but I know that I'm supposed to love her and pray for her. The rest I leave for the Lord.
Thursday, September 20
The Rift
Hello all,
It's been almost 6 months since I've posted here. Almost 6 months since I've entered this community of believers to find encouragement and strength. I can't believe it's been that long. I've drifted away from the Lord these past 6 months, and one of the only things that I've found encouragement in every day is the KLove Encouraging Word. Every time I hear the "tweet" on my phone and look to see what it is, there's been a sense of dread and guilt, but also one of longing. Every day the Lord has tried to reach me, and every day I've turned away. This summer has been a drifting one. One of traveling and almost non-stop working. Literally. My heart and my soul can't take this rift I've somehow created. Today, I'm reposting my last post. Because honestly, I don't remember writing it... and beyond that, it was written for me. So here is Faith, and praying that my journey will continue one step at a time.
Life... Lately
Faith [in God] must be whole hearted, unwavering, and stronger than death. You must have no reservations, and there's no turning back. Faith is how you honor the Lord every day. It's easy to trust the Lord in the good times, when everything is great and life seems easy. But where will you run, to whose arms will you go when the going gets tough?
I hope the answer is straight to the arms of the Loving Father. None of us are perfect. We all stumble and fall. We must get back up again. We must continue to fight for the Lord. I just finished the book The Warrior by Francine Rivers. The book is about Caleb. I don't think that I really understood his story before now. But then again, I don't think I was supposed to. God's timing is perfect in everything. In everything there is a purpose. For those of us who need a refresher, here's the rundown on Caleb.
Caleb was a distant relative of the tribe of Judah. He traveled from Egypt into the wilderness with the children of Israel when Moses led them out of captivity. When they finally reached the Promised Land, Caleb was chosen from the tribe of Judah to enter the land and scout it out. He and Joshua were the only two who came back and gave truthful reports of their 40 day journey. Because they were 2 out of 12 who spoke the truth, the Lord judged Israel and led them to wander in the desert for 40 years. Joshua and Caleb were the only two men from their generation to enter the Promised Land. It was because of their faith in the Lord to give to them what was already theirs.
There it is: faith. Caleb had to believe with every fiber of his being that the Lord was going to provide for them and hold true to His word and promises. He faced giants and perversion and nearly 1 million of his brothers and sisters who didn't believe. Yet, his faith was strongly secured in the Lord.
Life is so much harder than people make it out to be. Our youth have no idea what is waiting for them when they leave the halls of their high schools. Why? Is it because we don't want to burden them with the weight of the world when they are young? It is only a burden the Lord was supposed to carry. We've all heard the saying that ignorance is bliss. Yes, the not knowing is generally preferred. To the point that our society looks away from the abuse and mistreatment that so many peoples of our world face. They turn away from the fact that these people need Jesus just as much as you and me.
Looking at the big picture can be overwhelming. What are your gifts? Are you passionate about music? Then share Jesus and the joy of music with those around you! Are you an advocate for education of all peoples? Then share it. Find an avenue to help educate people. Homeside or abroad! Maybe you're interested in agriculture. There are so many people who just need us to come alongside them and assure them that, yes they can do it. The hardest step is the one that takes you out your front door. It's the step that leads you to friends and family to share with them that you are going to do something. It's the one that scares me too. But faith is what we're called to, and faith is what the Lord will give us when He calls.
Life, as always, has ups and downs. I'm just trying to find the Lord in everything. It's hard. Really hard. But then again, we were never promised an easy life. Being Kingdom minded really puts a spin on things. It makes some things that didn't seem so important before shine, and the things that used to shine dull to a dark gray. I find that I don't get so overwhelmed when I live one moment at a time. What helps you keep your eyes on the Father?
Until next time,
Kaitlynn
Friday, March 23
Life...Lately
Faith [in God] must be whole hearted, unwavering, and stronger than death. You must have no reservations, and there's no turning back. Faith is how you honor the Lord every day. It's easy to trust the Lord in the good times, when everything is great and life seems easy. But where will you run, to whose arms will you go when the going gets tough?
I hope the answer is straight to the arms of the Loving Father. None of us are perfect. We all stumble and fall. We must get back up again. We must continue to fight for the Lord. I just finished the book The Warrior by Francine Rivers. The book is about Caleb. I don't think that I really understood his story before now. But then again, I don't think I was supposed to. God's timing is perfect in everything. In everything there is a purpose. For those of us who need a refresher, here's the rundown on Caleb.
Caleb was a distant relative of the tribe of Judah. He traveled from Egypt into the wilderness with the children of Israel when Moses led them out of captivity. When they finally reached the Promised Land, Caleb was chosen from the tribe of Judah to enter the land and scout it out. He and Joshua were the only two who came back and gave truthful reports of their 40 day journey. Because they were 2 out of 12 who spoke the truth, the Lord judged Israel and led them to wander in the desert for 40 years. Joshua and Caleb were the only two men from their generation to enter the Promised Land. It was because of their faith in the Lord to give to them what was already theirs.
There it is: faith. Caleb had to believe with every fiber of his being that the Lord was going to provide for them and hold true to His word and promises. He faced giants and perversion and nearly 1 million of his brothers and sisters who didn't believe. Yet, his faith was strongly secured in the Lord.
Life is so much harder than people make it out to be. Our youth have no idea what is waiting for them when they leave the halls of their high schools. Why? Is it because we don't want to burden them with the weight of the world when they are young? It is only a burden the Lord was supposed to carry. We've all heard the saying that ignorance is bliss. Yes, the not knowing is generally preferred. To the point that our society looks away from the abuse and mistreatment that so many peoples of our world face. They turn away from the fact that these people need Jesus just as much as you and me.
Looking at the big picture can be overwhelming. What are your gifts? Are you passionate about music? Then share Jesus and the joy of music with those around you! Are you an advocate for education of all peoples? Then share it. Find an avenue to help educate people. Homeside or abroad! Maybe you're interested in agriculture. There are so many people who just need us to come alongside them and assure them that, yes they can do it. The hardest step is the one that takes you out your front door. It's the step that leads you to friends and family to share with them that you are going to do something. It's the one that scares me too. But faith is what we're called to, and faith is what the Lord will give us when He calls.
Life, as always, has ups and downs. I'm just trying to find the Lord in everything. It's hard. Really hard. But then again, we were never promised an easy life. Being Kingdom minded really puts a spin on things. It makes some things that didn't seem so important before shine, and the things that used to shine dull to a dark gray. I find that I don't get so overwhelmed when I live one moment at a time. What helps you keep your eyes on the Father?
Until next time,
Kaitlynn
I hope the answer is straight to the arms of the Loving Father. None of us are perfect. We all stumble and fall. We must get back up again. We must continue to fight for the Lord. I just finished the book The Warrior by Francine Rivers. The book is about Caleb. I don't think that I really understood his story before now. But then again, I don't think I was supposed to. God's timing is perfect in everything. In everything there is a purpose. For those of us who need a refresher, here's the rundown on Caleb.
Caleb was a distant relative of the tribe of Judah. He traveled from Egypt into the wilderness with the children of Israel when Moses led them out of captivity. When they finally reached the Promised Land, Caleb was chosen from the tribe of Judah to enter the land and scout it out. He and Joshua were the only two who came back and gave truthful reports of their 40 day journey. Because they were 2 out of 12 who spoke the truth, the Lord judged Israel and led them to wander in the desert for 40 years. Joshua and Caleb were the only two men from their generation to enter the Promised Land. It was because of their faith in the Lord to give to them what was already theirs.
There it is: faith. Caleb had to believe with every fiber of his being that the Lord was going to provide for them and hold true to His word and promises. He faced giants and perversion and nearly 1 million of his brothers and sisters who didn't believe. Yet, his faith was strongly secured in the Lord.
Life is so much harder than people make it out to be. Our youth have no idea what is waiting for them when they leave the halls of their high schools. Why? Is it because we don't want to burden them with the weight of the world when they are young? It is only a burden the Lord was supposed to carry. We've all heard the saying that ignorance is bliss. Yes, the not knowing is generally preferred. To the point that our society looks away from the abuse and mistreatment that so many peoples of our world face. They turn away from the fact that these people need Jesus just as much as you and me.
Looking at the big picture can be overwhelming. What are your gifts? Are you passionate about music? Then share Jesus and the joy of music with those around you! Are you an advocate for education of all peoples? Then share it. Find an avenue to help educate people. Homeside or abroad! Maybe you're interested in agriculture. There are so many people who just need us to come alongside them and assure them that, yes they can do it. The hardest step is the one that takes you out your front door. It's the step that leads you to friends and family to share with them that you are going to do something. It's the one that scares me too. But faith is what we're called to, and faith is what the Lord will give us when He calls.
Life, as always, has ups and downs. I'm just trying to find the Lord in everything. It's hard. Really hard. But then again, we were never promised an easy life. Being Kingdom minded really puts a spin on things. It makes some things that didn't seem so important before shine, and the things that used to shine dull to a dark gray. I find that I don't get so overwhelmed when I live one moment at a time. What helps you keep your eyes on the Father?
Until next time,
Kaitlynn
Monday, February 20
Katniss Everdeen, The Girl On Fire
*Spoiler*
This post includes details about the entire Hunger Games series. Please do not read on if you haven't read the books, but wish to. Come back after you read them though! :)
Rereading the Hunger Games this weekend was an interesting experience for me. I generally remember books I read pretty well, but for some reason this series didn't stick with me. I remembered a few of the big details, but for the most part it was like reading them for the first time.
When I put down Mockingjay today there was still a trail of tears on my face, and I just sat there in the silence. I am so thankful that my God is real, that He never leaves me, and that even though life - real life - isn't lovey dovey and we don't usually get fairytale endings, He's always there. What really struck me was that Katniss and Peeta were only 16 when the horror of being reaped for the Hunger Games took place. They were 16 when they saw 22 other children killed around them. By their own hands or not. And then they're back in district 12, and just when everything seems as normal as it can be after being in the arena, everything takes another complete shift. These two "star-crossed-lovers" are reaped again. And now both Katniss and Peeta have volunteered for the Games. They are 17.
I physically hurt with the pain that Katniss feels through the whole ordeal. Her confusion, hurt, the betrayal she feels. The Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion is found alone most of the time. She spends a lot of her time running from everyone because reality is a nightmare, but her nightmares are even worse than reality. I can't imagine having to see almost everyone and everything she ever loved ripped away from her.
I imagine those reading these books that feel like Katniss do, and I pray that they know just how much the Lord loves them. I pray that they know they are not alone. When we feel alone is generally when the Lord really has picked us up and holds us close in His arms.
I'm amazed at the stark difference between our reality and Panem [the rubble of the U.S left behind after our nation falls]. More than that though my soul grieves for the utter despair that takes over a life that isn't founded in the Lord. Add to it that the whole country of Panem doesn't embrace any religion at all, and the sorrow is magnified a hundred fold. The greed of the few lucky to be born in the Capital, and the literal hunger and suffering of those born into places like District 12. But then I look at our world. Is it really so different? The Games remind me of the Arena in ancient Rome, with a sadistic, high-tech twist. Well even back then it was horrible.
Is our world today really so different in that the rich are the few, and a very large portion of the world is dying of hungry or disease, all things that we can fix - if we are willing to stand up and make a difference. We don't live in a place like Panem where contact with anyone outside of your district is forbidden, where you can't leave the perimeter that a select few have chosen for you. We have the freedom to use our money as we wish, to travel the world. So what holds us back? Lack of initiative? Are we waiting for someone like Katniss to spark a revolution? We shouldn't have to. We're commanded to take care of the poor, the widows, and those without clothes on their backs. A large part of the world seems to have forgotten though.
This series leaves me still with a lot to chew over. If you decided to read this post anyway without reading the books, I will say that yes there is a happy ending, the impossible happens and Katniss chooses who she will love. I won't say who though :)
I recommend reading them. Written in first person narrative first bugged me a lot, but you really get to think like The Girl On Fire. It fits her character.
And if you didn't already know, the Hunger Games comes out on the Big Screen 3-23-12. I'm going, are you?
-Katilynn Marie
This post includes details about the entire Hunger Games series. Please do not read on if you haven't read the books, but wish to. Come back after you read them though! :)
Rereading the Hunger Games this weekend was an interesting experience for me. I generally remember books I read pretty well, but for some reason this series didn't stick with me. I remembered a few of the big details, but for the most part it was like reading them for the first time.
When I put down Mockingjay today there was still a trail of tears on my face, and I just sat there in the silence. I am so thankful that my God is real, that He never leaves me, and that even though life - real life - isn't lovey dovey and we don't usually get fairytale endings, He's always there. What really struck me was that Katniss and Peeta were only 16 when the horror of being reaped for the Hunger Games took place. They were 16 when they saw 22 other children killed around them. By their own hands or not. And then they're back in district 12, and just when everything seems as normal as it can be after being in the arena, everything takes another complete shift. These two "star-crossed-lovers" are reaped again. And now both Katniss and Peeta have volunteered for the Games. They are 17.
I physically hurt with the pain that Katniss feels through the whole ordeal. Her confusion, hurt, the betrayal she feels. The Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion is found alone most of the time. She spends a lot of her time running from everyone because reality is a nightmare, but her nightmares are even worse than reality. I can't imagine having to see almost everyone and everything she ever loved ripped away from her.
I imagine those reading these books that feel like Katniss do, and I pray that they know just how much the Lord loves them. I pray that they know they are not alone. When we feel alone is generally when the Lord really has picked us up and holds us close in His arms.
I'm amazed at the stark difference between our reality and Panem [the rubble of the U.S left behind after our nation falls]. More than that though my soul grieves for the utter despair that takes over a life that isn't founded in the Lord. Add to it that the whole country of Panem doesn't embrace any religion at all, and the sorrow is magnified a hundred fold. The greed of the few lucky to be born in the Capital, and the literal hunger and suffering of those born into places like District 12. But then I look at our world. Is it really so different? The Games remind me of the Arena in ancient Rome, with a sadistic, high-tech twist. Well even back then it was horrible.
Is our world today really so different in that the rich are the few, and a very large portion of the world is dying of hungry or disease, all things that we can fix - if we are willing to stand up and make a difference. We don't live in a place like Panem where contact with anyone outside of your district is forbidden, where you can't leave the perimeter that a select few have chosen for you. We have the freedom to use our money as we wish, to travel the world. So what holds us back? Lack of initiative? Are we waiting for someone like Katniss to spark a revolution? We shouldn't have to. We're commanded to take care of the poor, the widows, and those without clothes on their backs. A large part of the world seems to have forgotten though.
This series leaves me still with a lot to chew over. If you decided to read this post anyway without reading the books, I will say that yes there is a happy ending, the impossible happens and Katniss chooses who she will love. I won't say who though :)
I recommend reading them. Written in first person narrative first bugged me a lot, but you really get to think like The Girl On Fire. It fits her character.
And if you didn't already know, the Hunger Games comes out on the Big Screen 3-23-12. I'm going, are you?
-Katilynn Marie
Sunday, February 19
The Love of the Lord
Hello again,
So lately the Lord has really been pressing upon me His unyielding, unconditional love for me. I admit that some days are good days and some days are not so good for me. There are the days that I wake up ready to embrace what the Lord has for me, and there are some mornings I wake up and don't want to even get out of bed. This is how I know I'm on the right track though: I don't have all of the answers, I don't have the strength to do it on my own, and I still don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be doing or feeling or saying....
I've done a lot of thinking lately (oh no) and mostly it's been in a sort of circle. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to live out my purpose in a world that is consumed with itself. Well to begin with I'm still trying to discover my own purpose on this earth. But it does make it infinitely more difficult with so many people walking around who don't really give a hoot.
Anyway, back to His love. Because that's what it all boils down to. God's amazing love for us. For you. For me. It's funny [or ironic maybe] that the name of this blog is the Greatest Commandment. Which is a reference to Deuteronomy 6:5 [NKJV].
Now that I've truly stepped into the Lord's love for me, this passage takes on a different meaning. It looks different than it used to. Before when I would read this, and when I tried to live it out, it was all me showing my human love for the Lord. Which is great....but not enough. I didn't absolutely believe the power that grace had, I didn't see the absolute beauty that God sees when He looks at me. A love that's one sided isn't really love at all. What I thought was loving God was only a pale picture of the truth, of reality. I was looking at Him, trying to love Him through a glass door that was closed. The door only had a handle on my side. It was my choice to accept the love of the One who gave up His life for me. And when I did open that door, my knight in shining armor swept me off my feet and held me close. Close enough to feel His touch, to hear His heart beating where my head laid on His chest.
Have you opened the door to the God of creation yet? Have you allowed the Greatest Love Story ever told to become your love story with the One who will never leave you nor forsake you?
And so Deuteronomy 6:5 looks different to me because I know that the Lord absolutely loves me, and so for me to love Him is completely different now. Nothing I do or don't do can strengthen His love for me, because it is already infinite. And so I can rest in His love, and continue to learn how to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind.
So lately the Lord has really been pressing upon me His unyielding, unconditional love for me. I admit that some days are good days and some days are not so good for me. There are the days that I wake up ready to embrace what the Lord has for me, and there are some mornings I wake up and don't want to even get out of bed. This is how I know I'm on the right track though: I don't have all of the answers, I don't have the strength to do it on my own, and I still don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be doing or feeling or saying....
I've done a lot of thinking lately (oh no) and mostly it's been in a sort of circle. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to live out my purpose in a world that is consumed with itself. Well to begin with I'm still trying to discover my own purpose on this earth. But it does make it infinitely more difficult with so many people walking around who don't really give a hoot.
Anyway, back to His love. Because that's what it all boils down to. God's amazing love for us. For you. For me. It's funny [or ironic maybe] that the name of this blog is the Greatest Commandment. Which is a reference to Deuteronomy 6:5 [NKJV].
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.[The Message]:
Love God, your God, with your whole heart; love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got!When I created this blog my freshman year of college, it was to glorify the Lord. Writing at His calling. Since then I've contemplated changing the name of this blog multiple times, but each time I don't. There's always a nagging at the back of my mind that says, "No, keep it as it is. For My glory, not yours, Kaitlynn." And I can't argue with that.
Now that I've truly stepped into the Lord's love for me, this passage takes on a different meaning. It looks different than it used to. Before when I would read this, and when I tried to live it out, it was all me showing my human love for the Lord. Which is great....but not enough. I didn't absolutely believe the power that grace had, I didn't see the absolute beauty that God sees when He looks at me. A love that's one sided isn't really love at all. What I thought was loving God was only a pale picture of the truth, of reality. I was looking at Him, trying to love Him through a glass door that was closed. The door only had a handle on my side. It was my choice to accept the love of the One who gave up His life for me. And when I did open that door, my knight in shining armor swept me off my feet and held me close. Close enough to feel His touch, to hear His heart beating where my head laid on His chest.
Have you opened the door to the God of creation yet? Have you allowed the Greatest Love Story ever told to become your love story with the One who will never leave you nor forsake you?
And so Deuteronomy 6:5 looks different to me because I know that the Lord absolutely loves me, and so for me to love Him is completely different now. Nothing I do or don't do can strengthen His love for me, because it is already infinite. And so I can rest in His love, and continue to learn how to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind.
Sunday, January 29
Love is a verb.
Hello, dear friends! My church just finished a week of Prayer and Fasting. Hallelujah! I am blessed beyond measure to be a
part of a church body that is seeking God every single day. The Lord moved through our lives in big ways this year, and I am still trying to get it all straight.
This year Calvary offered a prayer meeting every morning, noon, and evening. I made it to five of the six morning offerings and six of the seven evening prayer meetings. The Lord is good, the Lord is good, the Lord is awesome! Posturing yourself before the Lord in humility with a humble heart is where God works.
At every prayer meeting we have half an hour of worship, and then half an hour of prayer in small(ish) groups. During the mornings, usually you pray with two or three other people, and then in the evenings, our group prayers include anywhere from three to seven additional people. This year the theme that kept reappearing was God's desire for our whole hearts.
My heart at the beginning of this week was pretty twisted, scarred, and broken. Over and over again God showed me that it was that way because I was holding onto things that I had no business holding onto. God did a lot of amazing work in my life, my mind, and my heart this week. One of the best things happened Friday night though.
Marz and I were in a prayer circle, and our leader, Ron, had asked us all to give thanks to the Lord in a circle. After we had all finished, he said that he believed the Lord had laid two words on him for 2 people during prayer, and that the Lord had then laid a 3rd. He shared the first two, and then he turned to me. I have never had a word from the Lord spoken over me, and it was amazing. I'll try my best to remember what he said,
"Kaitlynn, the Lord has showed me some sort of glass, something that you can see through, but not clearly. Almost like a veil. You are on one side and God is on the other side. He loves you so much, He delights in you, but there's something in you that is blocking you from receiving God's love. He wants you to know that He loves you so much, and that you aren't experiencing even a tiny bit of it."
He also shared with me a scripture, but I can't remember what it was.
Before we went into our prayer circles on Friday night Rob, our pastor, had prayed over us that the Lord would work where we weren't even expecting Him to work. This came totally out of left field for me. But as soon as Ron started speaking to me, I knew that it was all true. I knew that I wasn't allowing the Lord to shine His physical, mental, and spiritual love on me. I was keeping His love at arm distance because I didn't believe I worthy.
Going into Friday evening I was so joyful! My heart was lighter than it had been in so long! I felt confident in being a child of God, but I wasn't allowing Him to delight in me, to absolutely love me.
Friday night after prayer the Lord really pressed into me and revealed to me that I wasn't allowing Him to show me His love because I wasn't accepting who I was. I didn't want to feel His love because I didn't know what I was missing and I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.
The LORD loves me!!! He delights in me!!! He calls me beautiful!!! I am His daughter and His precious jewel!!!
I guess part of me didn't want to believe most of the line above this for so long because I didn't want to be prideful, I didn't want to be noticed, and I just didn't believe it. But I do now.
Do YOU know that the Lord loves you?!?! Right now, whatever state your heart is in. He loves you. Period. He wants to pour out His blessings and love on you.
There's lots of changes coming in my life, and I'm excited to see them!
Until next time,
Kaitlynn
part of a church body that is seeking God every single day. The Lord moved through our lives in big ways this year, and I am still trying to get it all straight.
This year Calvary offered a prayer meeting every morning, noon, and evening. I made it to five of the six morning offerings and six of the seven evening prayer meetings. The Lord is good, the Lord is good, the Lord is awesome! Posturing yourself before the Lord in humility with a humble heart is where God works.
At every prayer meeting we have half an hour of worship, and then half an hour of prayer in small(ish) groups. During the mornings, usually you pray with two or three other people, and then in the evenings, our group prayers include anywhere from three to seven additional people. This year the theme that kept reappearing was God's desire for our whole hearts.
My heart at the beginning of this week was pretty twisted, scarred, and broken. Over and over again God showed me that it was that way because I was holding onto things that I had no business holding onto. God did a lot of amazing work in my life, my mind, and my heart this week. One of the best things happened Friday night though.
Marz and I were in a prayer circle, and our leader, Ron, had asked us all to give thanks to the Lord in a circle. After we had all finished, he said that he believed the Lord had laid two words on him for 2 people during prayer, and that the Lord had then laid a 3rd. He shared the first two, and then he turned to me. I have never had a word from the Lord spoken over me, and it was amazing. I'll try my best to remember what he said,
"Kaitlynn, the Lord has showed me some sort of glass, something that you can see through, but not clearly. Almost like a veil. You are on one side and God is on the other side. He loves you so much, He delights in you, but there's something in you that is blocking you from receiving God's love. He wants you to know that He loves you so much, and that you aren't experiencing even a tiny bit of it."
He also shared with me a scripture, but I can't remember what it was.
Before we went into our prayer circles on Friday night Rob, our pastor, had prayed over us that the Lord would work where we weren't even expecting Him to work. This came totally out of left field for me. But as soon as Ron started speaking to me, I knew that it was all true. I knew that I wasn't allowing the Lord to shine His physical, mental, and spiritual love on me. I was keeping His love at arm distance because I didn't believe I worthy.
Going into Friday evening I was so joyful! My heart was lighter than it had been in so long! I felt confident in being a child of God, but I wasn't allowing Him to delight in me, to absolutely love me.
Friday night after prayer the Lord really pressed into me and revealed to me that I wasn't allowing Him to show me His love because I wasn't accepting who I was. I didn't want to feel His love because I didn't know what I was missing and I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.
The LORD loves me!!! He delights in me!!! He calls me beautiful!!! I am His daughter and His precious jewel!!!
I guess part of me didn't want to believe most of the line above this for so long because I didn't want to be prideful, I didn't want to be noticed, and I just didn't believe it. But I do now.
Do YOU know that the Lord loves you?!?! Right now, whatever state your heart is in. He loves you. Period. He wants to pour out His blessings and love on you.
There's lots of changes coming in my life, and I'm excited to see them!
Until next time,
Kaitlynn
Tuesday, January 10
A Breath of Fresh Air
It seems like I'm always saying this, that the act of being in the Word and actually being fed in a congregation makes SUCH a difference. Mostly, I'm saying it to myself because as Ann Voskamp says, "I have soul amnesia." We all go through highs and lows. It's finding the equilibrium that matters. Where is the homeostasis (bonus points for using a biology word) between myself and God? Between the world and eternity?
Tonight was my college group. We don't meet over Christmas Break, and I didn't go very much in November. I didn't realize how much I missed it. I didn't realize how foggy my vision has been lately. I was so heavy burdened and I didn't even realize it.
(photo credit)
And SO true.
The thing is though, this morning I had to absolutely trust that God would get me to work in the next town over. There was no room for thoughts of what I would do if I ran out of gas or if I was late. God is bigger than the size of our gas tank or the dollar amount in our bank account. But how often do I really rely on Him? How often do I really look to see the amazing work He's done?
This morning my vision was clouded. Not physically, but spiritually and mentally. I couldn't see past the heaviness and burden that I had put on myself. I couldn't see past needing to get good grades this term and being on time for work. I couldn't see past having wasted so much time recently watching TV shows on Netflix and generally doing nothing with my life.
But now I see that what I thought were treacherous mountains are really just little mole hills in a very vast, beautiful meadow. Everything is about perspective.
I'll be working on keeping my perspective Heaven minded and eternity bound this week. What about you?
Much love and until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie
Tonight was my college group. We don't meet over Christmas Break, and I didn't go very much in November. I didn't realize how much I missed it. I didn't realize how foggy my vision has been lately. I was so heavy burdened and I didn't even realize it.
This morning I woke up and did not want to get out of bed. I was really groggy and grumpy even after a nice hot shower. After eating I couldn't keep my eyes open and was on the verge of tears for most of the morning. I have no idea why. When I left to go to work I was really disheartened. When I got in the car I remembered that my gas gauge was on empty and that my bank account was about the same. Through the haze I knew that my only option was to call upon the Lord.
My roommate Marz has a quote on the whiteboard on her board right now.
So good!"God's abundance is a perfect match to our emptiness."
And SO true.
The thing is though, this morning I had to absolutely trust that God would get me to work in the next town over. There was no room for thoughts of what I would do if I ran out of gas or if I was late. God is bigger than the size of our gas tank or the dollar amount in our bank account. But how often do I really rely on Him? How often do I really look to see the amazing work He's done?
This morning my vision was clouded. Not physically, but spiritually and mentally. I couldn't see past the heaviness and burden that I had put on myself. I couldn't see past needing to get good grades this term and being on time for work. I couldn't see past having wasted so much time recently watching TV shows on Netflix and generally doing nothing with my life.
But now I see that what I thought were treacherous mountains are really just little mole hills in a very vast, beautiful meadow. Everything is about perspective.
I'll be working on keeping my perspective Heaven minded and eternity bound this week. What about you?
Much love and until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie
Wednesday, January 4
Seasons
We all go through different seasons in life. 2011 was a very interesting year for me. It is set apart by it's lack of music. I literally just sat here for 5 minutes and wracked my brain for an instance of music in the past year. There was just the one. I sang at my county fair.
For as long as I can remember, music has been an integral part of my life. Music has pumped through my veins.. If I were at home, I would simply run down to the Baptist church and pluck away at the piano until whatever was out of my system. Or I would put my headphones in and play as loud as I could on my keyboard. Seeing as I avoid the music hall on campus, and I don't exactly have the keys to my church here, or room for my full size keyboard.. music has suffered. Sure, I have my clarinet and guitar here, but... I'm one of those obnoxious musicians who absolutely gets lost in the music and drowns everything else out. It's how I think clearly. I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it.
I believe that there is a reason for everything, a time and a purpose. This season without music has been good and bad. I know it's something my soul is craving.
I don't think I really believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I do believe in living intentionally. Just because the calendar marks the beginning of a new year doesn't mean that anything has changed. So while I don't want to set goals or resolutions, I will share with you my intentions.
On another note, I have some really exciting news! Long story short I heard my boss from home wanted to talk to me, so I called him. He told me that he would be willing to bring me on to work 3 months early this year if I take online classes. (This was originally my idea, I just never heard back from him, so jumped to the conclusion that he didn't like it.) God is so good! So spring term I will be back in my hometown working full-time and doing school online full-time. It will be a challenge, but I can do it.
Some more exciting news. I did all the math yesterday, and found out that if I take classes this summer, I can actually graduate next June!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord. I don't know how, but it's so exciting. And I'm going to start crying just thinking about it. The opportunity to go back to work early this year really confirms for me that I'm supposed to move back home after I graduate. You see, the thing is that college was never my dream. It was His. And that's the beauty of it. I'm giving it back to Him. While I was trying to control this semi truck from back, He's been at the wheel.
So, will you pray for me? Will you pray that God completes this work in me that only He could have begun? Will you pray along side me that I can decrease so that He can increase in my life? I would greatly appreciate it.
~Kaitlynn Marie
For as long as I can remember, music has been an integral part of my life. Music has pumped through my veins.. If I were at home, I would simply run down to the Baptist church and pluck away at the piano until whatever was out of my system. Or I would put my headphones in and play as loud as I could on my keyboard. Seeing as I avoid the music hall on campus, and I don't exactly have the keys to my church here, or room for my full size keyboard.. music has suffered. Sure, I have my clarinet and guitar here, but... I'm one of those obnoxious musicians who absolutely gets lost in the music and drowns everything else out. It's how I think clearly. I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it.
I believe that there is a reason for everything, a time and a purpose. This season without music has been good and bad. I know it's something my soul is craving.
I don't think I really believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I do believe in living intentionally. Just because the calendar marks the beginning of a new year doesn't mean that anything has changed. So while I don't want to set goals or resolutions, I will share with you my intentions.
- I intend to get back on track with my Bible reading after a very long Christmas Break. {I have seen the difference in myself. I have witnessed first hand my reactions when I'm not in the Word. Why is it always the things our parents tell us to do, that end up being what we don't want to do...and yet in the end, end up doing?}
- I intend to play more music, and to not be afraid of it. {Sometimes I'm afraid to play because I'm afraid I'm going to fail. That happened more times than I can count this year. I want to get back to the place where music is my special bond to my Father. The place where the only thing that matters is that I'm worshiping.}
On another note, I have some really exciting news! Long story short I heard my boss from home wanted to talk to me, so I called him. He told me that he would be willing to bring me on to work 3 months early this year if I take online classes. (This was originally my idea, I just never heard back from him, so jumped to the conclusion that he didn't like it.) God is so good! So spring term I will be back in my hometown working full-time and doing school online full-time. It will be a challenge, but I can do it.
Some more exciting news. I did all the math yesterday, and found out that if I take classes this summer, I can actually graduate next June!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord. I don't know how, but it's so exciting. And I'm going to start crying just thinking about it. The opportunity to go back to work early this year really confirms for me that I'm supposed to move back home after I graduate. You see, the thing is that college was never my dream. It was His. And that's the beauty of it. I'm giving it back to Him. While I was trying to control this semi truck from back, He's been at the wheel.
So, will you pray for me? Will you pray that God completes this work in me that only He could have begun? Will you pray along side me that I can decrease so that He can increase in my life? I would greatly appreciate it.
~Kaitlynn Marie
Thursday, December 29
Thoughts
....I have been awake for a little over 36 hours. The majority of it has been spent on the 'tall couch' at our dining room table watching the TV show Felicity. Yeah... Most of Season 2, all of Season 3, and the first 9 episodes of Season 4. Apparently TV shows on Netflix are my thing. Add some extra cheese and this hopeless romantic is set to go. You know the weird thing? The past 36 hours have gone by extremely fast. I seriously got almost nothing accomplished, besides watching Felicity of course. I did do the dishes Tuesday afternoon (this is really sad. It's already early Thursday morning.) and I did eat three good meals. I also showered, and played guitar for like 30 minutes, which was great. Except the only song I remember how to play right now is "Someone like you" by Adele. Well I guess it's not a bad thing. It's just the only thing I can currently play.
Mar is visiting her soon to be in-laws, and Marz is house sitting. Which is the only reason I have managed to pull off this whole 36 hour-being-awake-thing. My eyelids are getting droopy, but I just thought I'd share part of my Christmas break with you.
Until next time,
-Kaitlynn
Mar is visiting her soon to be in-laws, and Marz is house sitting. Which is the only reason I have managed to pull off this whole 36 hour-being-awake-thing. My eyelids are getting droopy, but I just thought I'd share part of my Christmas break with you.
Until next time,
-Kaitlynn
Saturday, December 17
When Everything You Do
Is For God's Glory.
The past few days here have been sweet times spent with the Lord. It shouldn't surprise me that when I take the time to actually enter the stillness, and to spend time with my God, I can see the fruit in everything else. For me there are distinct times of rushing through, living through, and walking through time, events, and days.
Rushing through is when I'm going a million miles an hour, I'm always out of breath, and it seems I can't see straight enough to know where I am.
(photo credit)
Living through is just going through the motions. Going here and there, not rushing, but not really understanding or processing anything.
Walking through is the place where I internalize, where I can connect the dots. Even though the world is moving around me, time stands still. It's where I most easily meet Yeshua.
I have a new appreciation for people who work in retail year-round. I'm on day two and already my knees are killing me! But it's a small thing to suffer, for how fun my job really is. I'm a 'greeter' at Hallmark. Translation: Smile and talk to people when they come in.
I can do this!
Last night I had my first shift and I prayed the whole way there that God would give me humility in learning a new set of job-skills, and that I would shine for Him.
This morning, I spent the car ride there praying the same thing. That my smiles and "How are you doing todays" would be more than just surface things. I prayed that they would truly come from within and that Jesus would shine through me.
There were lots of people in and out of the store today. It's amazing how much a smile and a few kind words can really change someone's disposition. One older lady commented to me that she was glad that I told her Merry Christmas. She said she missed hearing it around. She was truly happy. Something so small on my part.
There was another lady that I helped with her shopping. I can't even really remember what it was that I helped her find. An ornament or two and an address book small enough to fit in her purse. She was a sweet, grandmotherly sort and by the end of her shopping she was calling me by name and wishing me a Merry Christmas. I was surprised to see her about an hour later. I told her hello again, and she promptly asked me how long I was working. I told her until four, and she said good. She wanted to make sure I would be there ten minutes later, and not on break or something.
A short time later she walked in with a little red gift bag in her hand. She walked right up to me and said, "Kaitlynn, this is a Christmas gift for you. Thank you for helping me this morning, I appreciate it! You can go ahead and open it now."
I was speechless and probably would have started crying if I'd had a little more time to think about it. I opened the bag and inside was an angel ornament that she had had customized with my name and 2011. I thanked her, gave her a hug, told her to have a blessed Christmas, and she was gone. I never even got her name.
I turned around to face my co-workers, and one of them was crying. They'd never seen anything like it.
To God be the glory.
I hope that what the grandmotherly sweetheart saw in me today was Jesus. I know it couldn't have been my knowledge of the store or products...it was my second day today. Her kindness blessed me beyond belief. I went to the back room and thanked the Lord.
My goal is simply to be the warmth and love of the Father. So many little old ladies make their way into our store, and I wonder how often they get to talk to someone. How often do they see their children and grandkids? I know now that this job wasn't sent to me because I needed the money. I was sent to this job because I have a role to fill in impacting people.
I may not be able to say anything about my Savior, but I can smile, ask how d'ya do, and simply love people. Now more than ever I cry out, "To God be the glory."
Where in your own life can you be the hands and feet of Jesus?
Until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie
The past few days here have been sweet times spent with the Lord. It shouldn't surprise me that when I take the time to actually enter the stillness, and to spend time with my God, I can see the fruit in everything else. For me there are distinct times of rushing through, living through, and walking through time, events, and days.
Rushing through is when I'm going a million miles an hour, I'm always out of breath, and it seems I can't see straight enough to know where I am.
(photo credit)
Living through is just going through the motions. Going here and there, not rushing, but not really understanding or processing anything.
Walking through is the place where I internalize, where I can connect the dots. Even though the world is moving around me, time stands still. It's where I most easily meet Yeshua.
I have a new appreciation for people who work in retail year-round. I'm on day two and already my knees are killing me! But it's a small thing to suffer, for how fun my job really is. I'm a 'greeter' at Hallmark. Translation: Smile and talk to people when they come in.
I can do this!
Last night I had my first shift and I prayed the whole way there that God would give me humility in learning a new set of job-skills, and that I would shine for Him.
This morning, I spent the car ride there praying the same thing. That my smiles and "How are you doing todays" would be more than just surface things. I prayed that they would truly come from within and that Jesus would shine through me.
There were lots of people in and out of the store today. It's amazing how much a smile and a few kind words can really change someone's disposition. One older lady commented to me that she was glad that I told her Merry Christmas. She said she missed hearing it around. She was truly happy. Something so small on my part.
There was another lady that I helped with her shopping. I can't even really remember what it was that I helped her find. An ornament or two and an address book small enough to fit in her purse. She was a sweet, grandmotherly sort and by the end of her shopping she was calling me by name and wishing me a Merry Christmas. I was surprised to see her about an hour later. I told her hello again, and she promptly asked me how long I was working. I told her until four, and she said good. She wanted to make sure I would be there ten minutes later, and not on break or something.
A short time later she walked in with a little red gift bag in her hand. She walked right up to me and said, "Kaitlynn, this is a Christmas gift for you. Thank you for helping me this morning, I appreciate it! You can go ahead and open it now."
I was speechless and probably would have started crying if I'd had a little more time to think about it. I opened the bag and inside was an angel ornament that she had had customized with my name and 2011. I thanked her, gave her a hug, told her to have a blessed Christmas, and she was gone. I never even got her name.
I turned around to face my co-workers, and one of them was crying. They'd never seen anything like it.
To God be the glory.
I hope that what the grandmotherly sweetheart saw in me today was Jesus. I know it couldn't have been my knowledge of the store or products...it was my second day today. Her kindness blessed me beyond belief. I went to the back room and thanked the Lord.
My goal is simply to be the warmth and love of the Father. So many little old ladies make their way into our store, and I wonder how often they get to talk to someone. How often do they see their children and grandkids? I know now that this job wasn't sent to me because I needed the money. I was sent to this job because I have a role to fill in impacting people.
I may not be able to say anything about my Savior, but I can smile, ask how d'ya do, and simply love people. Now more than ever I cry out, "To God be the glory."
Where in your own life can you be the hands and feet of Jesus?
Until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie
Wednesday, December 14
Praise the Lord
I sit here so happy, so full of joy that I know I must share it with the world. The Lord has blessed me so, and it's incredible to see His works fulfilled in my life, and the lives of those around me! I love how the Lord works, and I love that His timing is always right, always perfect.
I have been job hunting since August. I've sent resume after resume to no apparent avail. And then a little over a month ago God used my aunt to put me in contact with a potential employer. At the time she didn't have any open positions. Meanwhile, I knew that when God wanted me to have a job, I would have a job. I haven't been too terribly worried about it.
And then 2 weeks ago my aunt texted me and told me to go get on Craigslist. The employer had called my aunt to tell her that she posted a job there. So I found the job posting and once again sent in my resume. I never heard anything back, and so I trusted God with my future job.
Since then I've applied for another position, but haven't heard back from it either. So I decided earlier this week that I would head home today. That if I hadn't heard anything from anyone, it was God's will and it would be enough. I think I decided on today because my mother called and said I had a dentist appointment at home on Friday. I hate the dentist. Always have, and most likely always will. It takes me about a day to prepare, so today was the day.
Well, today was the day, until I got a phone call.
A voicemail actually saying that yes she would love to bring me on, and could I start Thursday or Friday? I get to greet people... as a job. Hallelujah!!
I called her back, confirmed the phone call, then about burst into tears when I hung up. How great is our God? His timing is absolute. He always makes sure we're provided for.
So praise #1: You are reading the blog of an employed woman! The work is supposed to last until New Years, but that in itself is such a blessing! I cannot glorify the Name of the Lord enough!
Because I now have a job, that means that I'm staying in College town for Christmas. Mar and I have been talking about getting a Christmas tree for a while, but never did because we both weren't going to be here.
After my exciting news last night, we decided that a Christmas tree from the little place down the road would be a great celebration! Well it was a good idea until Mar's boyfriend suggested we wait because he had actually bought tree permits for them to go tree hunting today.... Sneaky, sneaky boy!
And so Mar and I jumped to the obvious conclusion...he was going to propose! So we got super squirly and then went and got large coffees (at 6:00pm...bad idea). Then J came over and the 3 of us hung out and watched 8 Below and when he went home just after midnight, we got all excited again, but realized that just because we thought Mar might be getting engaged today didn't mean she was. The coffee, adrenaline, giggles, and whispering kept us up until 2:00 this morning..
We both calmed down and were pretty normal getting ready. Then they went Christmas tree hunting and I picked up the book I'm reading (Fifth Seal by Bodie and Brock Thoene. I HIGHLY recommend their books!!! SO. MUCH. TRUTH!) right now, and it was a normal afternoon. I was praying for my lunch and the two of them, just putting everything into God's hands, when I got the prompt on my phone at 1:34 that said, one new picture waiting to be downloaded, I about lost it! SSSSOOOO excited for two of my best friends on this planet.
Not only are these two seriously my best friends, they are amazing examples of a relationship centered around the Lord. I am blessed by them so so much! It's so good to see God growing in them individually and in their relationship, and I'm just so excited to see them take this next step in life. We are growing up. It's crazy, and I cannot believe it sometimes, but it's real! I'm so thankful that God put them in my life.
So praise #2: My best friend is engaged.
It's kind of a weird praise I guess, but it just makes sense. God gets all the glory in their relationship, and that folks is what it's all about. Not J's glory, not Mar's glory, but God's glory. His work through them.
What do you have to be thankful for today? Make it made known to God. He's excited to share in your joy!
All the glory to God!
-Kaitlynn Marie
And then 2 weeks ago my aunt texted me and told me to go get on Craigslist. The employer had called my aunt to tell her that she posted a job there. So I found the job posting and once again sent in my resume. I never heard anything back, and so I trusted God with my future job.
Since then I've applied for another position, but haven't heard back from it either. So I decided earlier this week that I would head home today. That if I hadn't heard anything from anyone, it was God's will and it would be enough. I think I decided on today because my mother called and said I had a dentist appointment at home on Friday. I hate the dentist. Always have, and most likely always will. It takes me about a day to prepare, so today was the day.
Well, today was the day, until I got a phone call.
A voicemail actually saying that yes she would love to bring me on, and could I start Thursday or Friday? I get to greet people... as a job. Hallelujah!!
I called her back, confirmed the phone call, then about burst into tears when I hung up. How great is our God? His timing is absolute. He always makes sure we're provided for.
So praise #1: You are reading the blog of an employed woman! The work is supposed to last until New Years, but that in itself is such a blessing! I cannot glorify the Name of the Lord enough!
Because I now have a job, that means that I'm staying in College town for Christmas. Mar and I have been talking about getting a Christmas tree for a while, but never did because we both weren't going to be here.
After my exciting news last night, we decided that a Christmas tree from the little place down the road would be a great celebration! Well it was a good idea until Mar's boyfriend suggested we wait because he had actually bought tree permits for them to go tree hunting today.... Sneaky, sneaky boy!
And so Mar and I jumped to the obvious conclusion...he was going to propose! So we got super squirly and then went and got large coffees (at 6:00pm...bad idea). Then J came over and the 3 of us hung out and watched 8 Below and when he went home just after midnight, we got all excited again, but realized that just because we thought Mar might be getting engaged today didn't mean she was. The coffee, adrenaline, giggles, and whispering kept us up until 2:00 this morning..
We both calmed down and were pretty normal getting ready. Then they went Christmas tree hunting and I picked up the book I'm reading (Fifth Seal by Bodie and Brock Thoene. I HIGHLY recommend their books!!! SO. MUCH. TRUTH!) right now, and it was a normal afternoon. I was praying for my lunch and the two of them, just putting everything into God's hands, when I got the prompt on my phone at 1:34 that said, one new picture waiting to be downloaded, I about lost it! SSSSOOOO excited for two of my best friends on this planet.
Not only are these two seriously my best friends, they are amazing examples of a relationship centered around the Lord. I am blessed by them so so much! It's so good to see God growing in them individually and in their relationship, and I'm just so excited to see them take this next step in life. We are growing up. It's crazy, and I cannot believe it sometimes, but it's real! I'm so thankful that God put them in my life.
So praise #2: My best friend is engaged.
It's kind of a weird praise I guess, but it just makes sense. God gets all the glory in their relationship, and that folks is what it's all about. Not J's glory, not Mar's glory, but God's glory. His work through them.
What do you have to be thankful for today? Make it made known to God. He's excited to share in your joy!
All the glory to God!
-Kaitlynn Marie
Saturday, December 10
When you can't ignore it...
You
know those times that the Lord is telling you something? I'm thinking
more about the times he's telling you something and you unceremoniously refuse.
{okay..maybe it's just me that does that..} I have two prime examples for
you this lovely evening in the hopes that you will recognize the voice of the
Father and obey.
Example
1
Setting: Fall Retreat {a.k.a beautiful
Sun River..very beautiful..think rustic/fancy cabin, slightly chilly as in
snowy chilly, and the presence of our Father}
Time: 7:19 AM..or somewhere roughly
around there
Scene: Kaitlynn is woken up by slightly
panicking roommate Mar.
Mar: Kaitlynn..(no response).. Kaiiiitlynn.
Kaitlynn: (sits up) yeah?
Mar:
My phone is between the bed and the wall and the alarm is going to go off in
like 5 minutes... will you help me move the bed before it goes off and wakes
everyone up?
Kaitlynn:
Okay.
So
we proceed to rescue said phone...albeit by moving the whole bed.. the
phone somehow got stuck between the box frame and the wall...
At
this point Mar gets up to shower and Kaitlynn grabs all the blankets and gets
ready to sleep for another 25 minutes per the pre-allotted time as organized
the night before.
God:
Good morning, beautiful daughter!
Kaitlynn:
Good morning, Daddy. (eyes closed,
but smiling)
God:
I know you want to sleep for another 25 minutes, but I’d like it if you came
outside and spent some time with me this morning.
Kaitlynn:
Daddy, didn’t you see the memo last night? I’m spending time with You from 8:00-8:30, after I shower. I have 23 minutes left of sleep..
God:
I did see your memo last night....I have other plans though. I want you to come outside and watch
the sunrise with Me. I want to
spend some quality time with you to start your day.
Kaitlynn:
Buuuuut, Dadddd it’s really cold outside!
And it’s sssoooo warm under all these blankies. Can’t we just wait ‘till after I
shower? I’m not even really awake
yet, and I haven’t had any coffee, and (interrupted)
God:
Come out here, Kaitlynn.
Kaitlynn:
Sorry, Daddy. I’m just gonna sleep
for 17 more minutes. See you in
half an hour.
I
snuggle down in my blankies and pretend that I’m not ignoring the Maker of the
Universe... 17 minutes later...
Mar:
(walking out of the bathroom and whispering so as not to wake the other
girls) Kaitlynn, did you see the text from Chad?
Kaitlynn:
No. (gets up to check phone. Reads
message that says something like: “Hey guys, I announced the wrong start time
for Chapel this morning. It
actually starts at 9:00...not 9:30.
[Leaders] Please meet at 8:30 in foyer..”) Oh.
Mar:
Yeah.. we need to tell the girls and start breakfast.. now!
Kaitlynn:
Okay. I’m gonna hop in the
shower. We still have 15ish
minutes before we need to wake everyone up.
So
I take a nice warm shower, get dressed, and look outside to the porch outside
our room. Then it hits me. The Lord knew that I would
‘unexpectedly’ be running 30 minutes behind. Which was why He wanted me to spend time with Him before my pre-planned time. At this point I just stare out the
window and ask for forgiveness.
I’m so selfish.
Example 2
Setting:
Kaitlynn’s Apartment
Time:
Not exactly important...
Scene:
Kaitlynn feels gentle nudging to pick up book she’s been
trying[somewhat half-heartedly] to read for 2 weeks.
She gets on Pinterest...
A few hours later, same nudging feeling creeps in.
Kaitlynn watches Beauty and the Beast instead.
The next day, as Kaitlynn is again on Pinterest...the
nudging.
God:
Kaitlynn, dear I’d like You to go read your book.
Kaitlynn:
Sorry, Lord but I’m busy.
God:
No you’re not..you’re actually really bored...
Kaitlynn:
Okay, I am...but still. (continues to pursue nothing on Pinterest)
A little later
God:
Are you ready to listen to me now?
Kaitlynn:
(exhales) I guess so..
God:
Why do you fight me? You love to read!!!
Kaitlynn: I know, Daddy... I’m just stubborn and don’t like to admit my
failures. I know I have things we
need to work out.
God: I know, sweetheart. Come to
me. My arms are open and waiting
for you. I will always love you. You know that! So why do you doubt it?
Kaitlynn: I don’t doubt that you love me!!
I doubt my own mind in a happy ending. Will you grow in me a trust for You above all others?
God: (just smiles, and takes my hand)
And I go read. And it’s exactly what I need.
I don’t want anyone to be confused... I don’t hear God speak audibly. My conversations with God are more like
impressions on my heart. That
being said, the impressions on my heart are words of their own. They are heart-spirit conversations
with my Maker. Since He created
me, He knows how to speak to me in a way that cannot be denied or ignored... well
I do my best to ignore them sometimes...but I never last for long!!
Some people do hear audible words
from the Lord, some see images from the Lord. Everyone is different, and every walk with God is
different. This is just what mine
looks like. :)
I hope these confessions bolster
you to turn and listen to the Father the first time. The school of hard knocks is not what I recommend.
Thanks for reading. To God be the glory!!
~Kaitlynn Marie
Wednesday, December 7
Back to Simplicity
Slowing down and finding the stillness has been a good thing for me this week. I've felt out of control. The Lord is showing me once again that {thankfully} I don't have to
I know that I'm not an academic....yes I am a learner, a person who likes to learn things. But classrooms and textbooks don't inspire me. And as hard as I've tried, I cannot live life uninspired. Maybe there are people who can, but I am not one of them. Which is absolutely okay! :)
I'm switching my major back to agricultural science. There I won't have to take as much science or chemistry, and I might, just might actually graduate next year. I've never been able to see myself graduating before... {chuckle}. But now I can.
Don't be afraid to live YOUR life. The 1 life that God has given you.
Until next time
Kaitlynn Marie
I know that I'm not an academic....yes I am a learner, a person who likes to learn things. But classrooms and textbooks don't inspire me. And as hard as I've tried, I cannot live life uninspired. Maybe there are people who can, but I am not one of them. Which is absolutely okay! :)
I'm switching my major back to agricultural science. There I won't have to take as much science or chemistry, and I might, just might actually graduate next year. I've never been able to see myself graduating before... {chuckle}. But now I can.
Don't be afraid to live YOUR life. The 1 life that God has given you.
Until next time
Kaitlynn Marie
Sunday, December 4
In the Stillness
The stillness... that place between the rumblings of earth and the glories of heaven. Do you know the place? The place where we can feel the touch of the Father, and we can simply sit? This familiar place can sometimes have unfamiliar paths that lead towards it. Sometimes, we can't find the deer trail that the Lord is pointing us to, and sometimes we take a look at that interstate and turn around, never imagining that it was there God wanted to meet us in the stillness.
I guess I've never called it by name. But if fits. In the stillness is where my breathing fades away, peace steals over me, and I can just talk with my Abba. It is here that time stands still and I see things through different eyes. Eyes that built the world...one word at a time.
Today I didn't even realize I was there with my Lord when it came over me. I found what it is I've been looking for. In the past few years I have had the tendency to dance from idea to idea.. never staying with one for long because it didn't seem right. Most people would call it growing up. Up until now I've always felt that the decisions I make in this stage of my life will forever shape what I'm to do, and that once a final decision has been made, there's no changing, no going back.
Looking at my previous logic now makes me chuckle. God is forever molding us, shaping us, stretching us to make us more like Him. Naturally then, how could one career or job title allow me that? I realize that I'm just fine with not being able to see past the next 5 years. It's scary how much that actually puts me at ease. I don't have to have all of the answers. I can finish my degree, and then take the steps that have been literally right in front of my face for the last 3 years.
Would you like to know what God revealed to me in the stillness today? Of course, it was something I already knew... but I'd never put it into the right light or perspective before.
This is what I learned today:
The Lord has not started a work in me that He will not finish. His work isn't done for me in my little town at home which hosts no traffic lights, no department stores, and no busyness. Safeway and Subway are the only names you would recognize if you drove through the place of my birth.
And once again... it makes sense. Move home and live with my parents until I can find a place of my own to rent. Someplace small, with one or two bedrooms, and maybe a backyard so I can get a dog. There I can continue to write and learn. I can be a wildfire dispatcher. I can discover what it is that the Creator has hidden for me in this world.
And maybe it will be there that I meet my Prince Charming.. and maybe it's not. From there I may be called to missions or back here to my university-town. I ask myself sometimes how I know it's really God's call or will for me to do something. Others have asked me as well. For me, it's simple. I know it's God's call when there are no if, buts, ands, or ors about it. There are no strings attached. It comes from an unlikely place, and yet it's the most organic solution to the problem. Haha... that's not a scientific answer, or even one I would recommend using to judge your own life...but it is how every call on my life has been.
In this new decision I'm not afraid or sad[yet] to leave my friends, I'm not afraid of being trapped in a small town for the rest of my life. I'm content to just be. I'm content to serve in this capacity. This too will be enough.
Is there an unanswered question or prayer in your own life that maybe just needs to be looked at in a different light? Have you taken time to really enter the stillness and be with your Creator, or have you asked from a distance, unwilling to commit your whole being to it? Find that place, and ask again. You may be surprised by the answer you receive. Thank you for reading.
-Kaitlynn Marie
I guess I've never called it by name. But if fits. In the stillness is where my breathing fades away, peace steals over me, and I can just talk with my Abba. It is here that time stands still and I see things through different eyes. Eyes that built the world...one word at a time.
Today I didn't even realize I was there with my Lord when it came over me. I found what it is I've been looking for. In the past few years I have had the tendency to dance from idea to idea.. never staying with one for long because it didn't seem right. Most people would call it growing up. Up until now I've always felt that the decisions I make in this stage of my life will forever shape what I'm to do, and that once a final decision has been made, there's no changing, no going back.
Looking at my previous logic now makes me chuckle. God is forever molding us, shaping us, stretching us to make us more like Him. Naturally then, how could one career or job title allow me that? I realize that I'm just fine with not being able to see past the next 5 years. It's scary how much that actually puts me at ease. I don't have to have all of the answers. I can finish my degree, and then take the steps that have been literally right in front of my face for the last 3 years.
Would you like to know what God revealed to me in the stillness today? Of course, it was something I already knew... but I'd never put it into the right light or perspective before.
This is what I learned today:
I love my job. I love dispatching wildfires. I love small town home that I have spent over half of my life in. I have the strength, patience, and love for my Lord to wait for my husband there.
The Lord has not started a work in me that He will not finish. His work isn't done for me in my little town at home which hosts no traffic lights, no department stores, and no busyness. Safeway and Subway are the only names you would recognize if you drove through the place of my birth.
And once again... it makes sense. Move home and live with my parents until I can find a place of my own to rent. Someplace small, with one or two bedrooms, and maybe a backyard so I can get a dog. There I can continue to write and learn. I can be a wildfire dispatcher. I can discover what it is that the Creator has hidden for me in this world.
And maybe it will be there that I meet my Prince Charming.. and maybe it's not. From there I may be called to missions or back here to my university-town. I ask myself sometimes how I know it's really God's call or will for me to do something. Others have asked me as well. For me, it's simple. I know it's God's call when there are no if, buts, ands, or ors about it. There are no strings attached. It comes from an unlikely place, and yet it's the most organic solution to the problem. Haha... that's not a scientific answer, or even one I would recommend using to judge your own life...but it is how every call on my life has been.
In this new decision I'm not afraid or sad[yet] to leave my friends, I'm not afraid of being trapped in a small town for the rest of my life. I'm content to just be. I'm content to serve in this capacity. This too will be enough.
Is there an unanswered question or prayer in your own life that maybe just needs to be looked at in a different light? Have you taken time to really enter the stillness and be with your Creator, or have you asked from a distance, unwilling to commit your whole being to it? Find that place, and ask again. You may be surprised by the answer you receive. Thank you for reading.
-Kaitlynn Marie
Saturday, November 26
To God Be The Glory
Hopefully I don't fall asleep before I finish this post! I pitched hay covered in mud and alpaca poop for 7 hours today....lets just say that my body is one huge blister, my shoulders might just pop out of their sockets, and my head is pounding. But all is well. My heart is at rest, and a hard day's work is something to be proud of!
I hosted Thanksgiving for the first time in my life this year! It all went well and without a hitch! God continues to bless me with this apartment and every single one of our 5 couches!
My parents and little brother drove up on Wednesday. Dad is the cook in our family (seriously, he is a goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood cook. not. even. over-exaggerating.) so he brought most of the food. I supplied cranberry sauce :) My poor kitchen is still feeling the effects of his-er-organic?-way-of-approaching-cooking = a huge mess. But you can't argue with facts that the food tastes delicious.
Sometimes my family is hard to spend a lot of time with, but again I was blessed with sweet time with my parents this week. My aunt came over for Thanksgiving, as well as her 4 children....(well 2 adults, 2 children...technically, but we consider them all children..haha..yeahh) All in all there were 12 of us in my little 900 sq ft apartment. But with 5 couches and 2 awesome swively chairs, plus a huge coffee table, it all worked out.
Thursday my aunt asked us if we'd like to go black friday shopping??? My dad and I said, "Sure, why not?!" Oh. my. goodness. It was crazy, fun, cold, and we did find some amazing deals. We were up too late, (went to bed at 1:30 after hitting Walmart, Target, Old Navy, and Kohls), then got up way too early (to go to BiMart, KMart, Big 5, and Joannes), but it was fun. We're not really serious shoppers, but we did get some crazy stuff, and had a good time doing it. We may have made it out of Target with everything on our list before everyone had even made it inside (15 minutes, people.. I don't know how we did that.), and we may have cut in front of 500 people at Kohls (except it wasn't cutting, b/c those 500 people weren't standing in line. Word of advise...the ladies at the jewelry counter were never told they could only check out people with jewelry... hehehe.) So yeah, it was a good week, a long week, but yeah.
Just thought I'd post an update.
Unfortunately my family didn't see the need to stop and really ponder the meaning of giving thanks, or to give the glory to God. It's hard being a light to people you know so well, to people who think they're living the Christian life...but really, they're not. Lord willing, next year will look different. But for the here and now I won't regret what didn't happen. I will still thank the Lord and give Him the glory. If only for the fact that no one ran out of the house screaming at each other. Yes, I am at peace. And I am thankful for that.
How was your Thanksgiving? Was there something that made this year stick out from memories past?
Thank you for reading.
Have a blessed day,
Kaitlynn Marie
I hosted Thanksgiving for the first time in my life this year! It all went well and without a hitch! God continues to bless me with this apartment and every single one of our 5 couches!
My parents and little brother drove up on Wednesday. Dad is the cook in our family (seriously, he is a goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood cook. not. even. over-exaggerating.) so he brought most of the food. I supplied cranberry sauce :) My poor kitchen is still feeling the effects of his-er-organic?-way-of-approaching-cooking = a huge mess. But you can't argue with facts that the food tastes delicious.
Sometimes my family is hard to spend a lot of time with, but again I was blessed with sweet time with my parents this week. My aunt came over for Thanksgiving, as well as her 4 children....(well 2 adults, 2 children...technically, but we consider them all children..haha..yeahh) All in all there were 12 of us in my little 900 sq ft apartment. But with 5 couches and 2 awesome swively chairs, plus a huge coffee table, it all worked out.
Thursday my aunt asked us if we'd like to go black friday shopping??? My dad and I said, "Sure, why not?!" Oh. my. goodness. It was crazy, fun, cold, and we did find some amazing deals. We were up too late, (went to bed at 1:30 after hitting Walmart, Target, Old Navy, and Kohls), then got up way too early (to go to BiMart, KMart, Big 5, and Joannes), but it was fun. We're not really serious shoppers, but we did get some crazy stuff, and had a good time doing it. We may have made it out of Target with everything on our list before everyone had even made it inside (15 minutes, people.. I don't know how we did that.), and we may have cut in front of 500 people at Kohls (except it wasn't cutting, b/c those 500 people weren't standing in line. Word of advise...the ladies at the jewelry counter were never told they could only check out people with jewelry... hehehe.) So yeah, it was a good week, a long week, but yeah.
Just thought I'd post an update.
Unfortunately my family didn't see the need to stop and really ponder the meaning of giving thanks, or to give the glory to God. It's hard being a light to people you know so well, to people who think they're living the Christian life...but really, they're not. Lord willing, next year will look different. But for the here and now I won't regret what didn't happen. I will still thank the Lord and give Him the glory. If only for the fact that no one ran out of the house screaming at each other. Yes, I am at peace. And I am thankful for that.
How was your Thanksgiving? Was there something that made this year stick out from memories past?
Thank you for reading.
Have a blessed day,
Kaitlynn Marie
Tuesday, November 22
The Ugliness Inside
Sometimes, my walk with Jesus isn't pretty. In fact, sometimes it's ugly. I become a self-centered daughter. I become a danger to myself and others. For a long time I walked around with the ugliness disguised as beauty. The darkness trying to only reflect the light, not actually being light.
2 weekends ago Mar and I had the great pleasure of being Cabin Leaders at the Fall Retreat for our College Ministry. I guess I should back up. Looking back at it now, it was a pleasure. When we found out 2 days before the retreat started that we were going to be leaders, our response was much different. Hahaha... We lead a small group (a.k.a small bible study for women) through the college ministry we attend, and so we were automatically put into the pool of people signed up to be leaders.
240 college-aged students attended Fall Retreat. Each cabin had 10 people, with only a few having 11. Each cabin is paired up with a cabin of the opposite gender to be a group. They then eat dinner together and hang out and just have fun. (I also think it's a ploy to get everyone married..hahaha. Our leadership says that they don't run a dating service, but sometimes..sometimes I'm not sure what they're thinking.)
So yeah. Mar and I find out that we're going to be cabin leaders and we think, "Oh crap. What in the world does that mean and what are we supposed to do." Mar is a middle school leader, and I've taught Sunday school classes...to little kids. Neither of us had any experience with people our own age. We turned it over to God and prayed, "Not for our glory, but for Yours."
:) It's amazing how God always knows what He's doing. You think we'd have figured it out by now...but sometimes we don't.
The Lord spoke to me Saturday night and told me that I was supposed to share my testimony. The whole ugly truth of it that makes it His. So I did...of course I asked every other person in our cabin if they wanted to share...multiple times, but when the lull of conversation came I knew. And then I took the plunge. I revealed to the 10 other girls in my cabin the darkness I had overcome. The darkness I had only shared with one other person in my entire life. Luckily she was sitting beside me, holding my hand.
My chains were broken, and it was at that moment that I really was set free. Even more amazing, was the fact that because I had said, "Okay, God this is for you." He used it to open up girls that I don't think would have. We learned from each other that we all have deep hurts...we're all just pretty good at hiding it. We stayed up until 1 o'clock in the morning. We cried and prayed over almost every girl in the cabin. It was amazing.
The truth will set you free. I've said this before, and people have rebuked me. But I will not be silent. The pain in confession is nothing compared to the love of the Redeemer.
I am amazed that the ugliness that I felt defined me for so long is simply gone. Of course there time that a little part of the ugliness tries to come back. But it is so. much. simpler. to. tell the. enemy. no. now. Seriously.
In my housechurch a few weeks ago we talked about names. We were asked what names the world has given us and what names has the Lord given us. My name, it means "Pure". That right there... it gives me hope that the Lord still has a plan for my life. He knew that I would need that reminder. In Jesus I am pure, whole, and loved.
What are the secrets that you are ashamed of? That you don't want anyone to find out about? Those are the ones that your Abba [Father] wants you to give up to Him. That heavy burden you've been carrying on your shoulders? It shouldn't be there. Cast your cares upon the Lord. Cast your cares like a rod when you fish. If you're still holding onto the lure, then how far do you think your line will go? There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Thanks for reading, and until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie
2 weekends ago Mar and I had the great pleasure of being Cabin Leaders at the Fall Retreat for our College Ministry. I guess I should back up. Looking back at it now, it was a pleasure. When we found out 2 days before the retreat started that we were going to be leaders, our response was much different. Hahaha... We lead a small group (a.k.a small bible study for women) through the college ministry we attend, and so we were automatically put into the pool of people signed up to be leaders.
240 college-aged students attended Fall Retreat. Each cabin had 10 people, with only a few having 11. Each cabin is paired up with a cabin of the opposite gender to be a group. They then eat dinner together and hang out and just have fun. (I also think it's a ploy to get everyone married..hahaha. Our leadership says that they don't run a dating service, but sometimes..sometimes I'm not sure what they're thinking.)
So yeah. Mar and I find out that we're going to be cabin leaders and we think, "Oh crap. What in the world does that mean and what are we supposed to do." Mar is a middle school leader, and I've taught Sunday school classes...to little kids. Neither of us had any experience with people our own age. We turned it over to God and prayed, "Not for our glory, but for Yours."
:) It's amazing how God always knows what He's doing. You think we'd have figured it out by now...but sometimes we don't.
The Lord spoke to me Saturday night and told me that I was supposed to share my testimony. The whole ugly truth of it that makes it His. So I did...of course I asked every other person in our cabin if they wanted to share...multiple times, but when the lull of conversation came I knew. And then I took the plunge. I revealed to the 10 other girls in my cabin the darkness I had overcome. The darkness I had only shared with one other person in my entire life. Luckily she was sitting beside me, holding my hand.
My chains were broken, and it was at that moment that I really was set free. Even more amazing, was the fact that because I had said, "Okay, God this is for you." He used it to open up girls that I don't think would have. We learned from each other that we all have deep hurts...we're all just pretty good at hiding it. We stayed up until 1 o'clock in the morning. We cried and prayed over almost every girl in the cabin. It was amazing.
The truth will set you free. I've said this before, and people have rebuked me. But I will not be silent. The pain in confession is nothing compared to the love of the Redeemer.
I am amazed that the ugliness that I felt defined me for so long is simply gone. Of course there time that a little part of the ugliness tries to come back. But it is so. much. simpler. to. tell the. enemy. no. now. Seriously.
In my housechurch a few weeks ago we talked about names. We were asked what names the world has given us and what names has the Lord given us. My name, it means "Pure". That right there... it gives me hope that the Lord still has a plan for my life. He knew that I would need that reminder. In Jesus I am pure, whole, and loved.
What are the secrets that you are ashamed of? That you don't want anyone to find out about? Those are the ones that your Abba [Father] wants you to give up to Him. That heavy burden you've been carrying on your shoulders? It shouldn't be there. Cast your cares upon the Lord. Cast your cares like a rod when you fish. If you're still holding onto the lure, then how far do you think your line will go? There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Thanks for reading, and until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie
Wednesday, November 2
Compassion
My history with Compassion is a long one. I have been a part of sponsoring kids through Compassion since I was in 2nd grade. My church at home sponsored a child that was a year older than me until he was 16 when he left the program.
I then had the pleasure of researching the next two children that my church/youth group would sponsor. A 14 year old girl from Africa, and a 5 year old boy from India.
Sponsoring a child through Compassion is $38 a month. By providing $38 a month, you are giving a child a chance to survive and thrive.
I toured around the country singing and dancing for Jesus with a group called the Young Continentals for 12 weeks in middle school. We were a partner with Compassion. Every night I shared the gospel and asked people to support a child, and yet I wasn't willing to let the Lord work in my life and provide.
I look back at all of the time that I could have spent pouring into a child, supporting a child, and it makes me sad. I always told myself "You're a middle schooler, you don't have money to do that." or "You a freshman in college, you really don't have any money."
I can truly tell you that supporting a child through Compassion has been one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. Even though I was an advocate for so long, I never imagined how a relationship with a child would affect me personally.
Kenneth has asthma. He lives in Villa Nueva, Nicaragua where most adults earn an equivalent of $68 a month and are unemployed..
The $38 a month I proved is half as much as his mother makes.
A sponsorship allows Compassion to:
- Provide Kenneth with Bible teaching,
- A Bible,
- Medical check-ups (especially necessary b/c of his asthma problem),
- Nutritious food,
- Hygiene education,
- Special celebrations,
- Recreational activities,
- Tutoring,
- School uniforms,
- Shoes,
- and Academic support.
- Also the local staff will provide monthly meetings and evangelistic home visits for Kenneth's mom.
It's not just Kenneth that thrives from my support. My heart has been greatly touched. One of the great things that we can do with our sponsored children is write letters. When was the last time you wrote a letter? Not an email or a memo or even a Christmas card, but a letter. There's something about seeing the words that your child has written in their own language.
Letters between Kenneth and I take about 3 months to process, be shipped, and then actually received. I'd like to share with you the last letter I got from him.
Hello dear sponsor Kaitlynn!
May God bless you. I'm very thankful for writing to you again. I hope that you are in good health and your family, praise God. Now I'm in 3rd grade. I feel very happy because I was congratulated at the project because I'm very intelligent. I had medical check up and I did very well and we're being given foliar extract to avoid anemia. there will be a dental C.I.V from the project. We're going to be taken to a clinic specialized in teeth. Have you taken foliar extract? Are you afraid of going to the dentist? We are taught more about God at the project and about how to protect the animals. The teachers of the project teaches us about the clay from which we were made and that God shapes our lives like clay. Do you know the clay? Has God shaped your life? I close this letter with much affection. I ask you to always pray for me. Here, I'll be praying for you.
Your child,
KennethBy the time I was finished reading this letter through, my eyes were no where near dry. You see, this child has captured my heart. This little 8 year old boy has already gotten to the heart of the issue. Do you know the clay? Has God shaped your life?
Yes. Yes I know the clay! God has indeed shaped my life! It's a never ending process, but yes I'm living it.
If Kenneth can have such faith in his circumstances, shouldn't our faith be so much more abundant? I believe that there are many of us who really can support a child. I'm asking you to step up. I'm asking you to impact the life of a child around the world in ways that we cannot even begin to imagine.
My stopping block before was fear. The reason this post has been sitting in my drafts for over a month was because of fear.
It's simple. It's strange. It's obvious. We. can't. live. our. lives. in. fear. Truly. It's something I've struggled with for a long time. Fear of many different things. Tonight I'm letting the love of the Father drown out all the fear. His love is enough to reach across eternity and provide me with $38 a month. His love is enough.
{Thanks for reading. If you'd be praying for me? Drowning out fear in my life is going to be a multi-step process back to the Father. Handing over the reins again is going to take time. I'll be coming back here to share my thoughts, journey, and whatever the Lord puts on my heart. Is there anything that you need prayer for? What is especially hard in your life right now? Sweet dreams and until next time -Kaitlynn }
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