I guess I've never called it by name. But if fits. In the stillness is where my breathing fades away, peace steals over me, and I can just talk with my Abba. It is here that time stands still and I see things through different eyes. Eyes that built the world...one word at a time.
Today I didn't even realize I was there with my Lord when it came over me. I found what it is I've been looking for. In the past few years I have had the tendency to dance from idea to idea.. never staying with one for long because it didn't seem right. Most people would call it growing up. Up until now I've always felt that the decisions I make in this stage of my life will forever shape what I'm to do, and that once a final decision has been made, there's no changing, no going back.
Looking at my previous logic now makes me chuckle. God is forever molding us, shaping us, stretching us to make us more like Him. Naturally then, how could one career or job title allow me that? I realize that I'm just fine with not being able to see past the next 5 years. It's scary how much that actually puts me at ease. I don't have to have all of the answers. I can finish my degree, and then take the steps that have been literally right in front of my face for the last 3 years.
Would you like to know what God revealed to me in the stillness today? Of course, it was something I already knew... but I'd never put it into the right light or perspective before.
This is what I learned today:
I love my job. I love dispatching wildfires. I love small town home that I have spent over half of my life in. I have the strength, patience, and love for my Lord to wait for my husband there.
The Lord has not started a work in me that He will not finish. His work isn't done for me in my little town at home which hosts no traffic lights, no department stores, and no busyness. Safeway and Subway are the only names you would recognize if you drove through the place of my birth.
And once again... it makes sense. Move home and live with my parents until I can find a place of my own to rent. Someplace small, with one or two bedrooms, and maybe a backyard so I can get a dog. There I can continue to write and learn. I can be a wildfire dispatcher. I can discover what it is that the Creator has hidden for me in this world.
And maybe it will be there that I meet my Prince Charming.. and maybe it's not. From there I may be called to missions or back here to my university-town. I ask myself sometimes how I know it's really God's call or will for me to do something. Others have asked me as well. For me, it's simple. I know it's God's call when there are no if, buts, ands, or ors about it. There are no strings attached. It comes from an unlikely place, and yet it's the most organic solution to the problem. Haha... that's not a scientific answer, or even one I would recommend using to judge your own life...but it is how every call on my life has been.
In this new decision I'm not afraid or sad[yet] to leave my friends, I'm not afraid of being trapped in a small town for the rest of my life. I'm content to just be. I'm content to serve in this capacity. This too will be enough.
Is there an unanswered question or prayer in your own life that maybe just needs to be looked at in a different light? Have you taken time to really enter the stillness and be with your Creator, or have you asked from a distance, unwilling to commit your whole being to it? Find that place, and ask again. You may be surprised by the answer you receive. Thank you for reading.
-Kaitlynn Marie
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