Hello, dear friends! My church just finished a week of Prayer and Fasting. Hallelujah! I am blessed beyond measure to be a
part of a church body that is seeking God every single day. The Lord moved through our lives in big ways this year, and I am still trying to get it all straight.
This year Calvary offered a prayer meeting every morning, noon, and evening. I made it to five of the six morning offerings and six of the seven evening prayer meetings. The Lord is good, the Lord is good, the Lord is awesome! Posturing yourself before the Lord in humility with a humble heart is where God works.
At every prayer meeting we have half an hour of worship, and then half an hour of prayer in small(ish) groups. During the mornings, usually you pray with two or three other people, and then in the evenings, our group prayers include anywhere from three to seven additional people. This year the theme that kept reappearing was God's desire for our whole hearts.
My heart at the beginning of this week was pretty twisted, scarred, and broken. Over and over again God showed me that it was that way because I was holding onto things that I had no business holding onto. God did a lot of amazing work in my life, my mind, and my heart this week. One of the best things happened Friday night though.
Marz and I were in a prayer circle, and our leader, Ron, had asked us all to give thanks to the Lord in a circle. After we had all finished, he said that he believed the Lord had laid two words on him for 2 people during prayer, and that the Lord had then laid a 3rd. He shared the first two, and then he turned to me. I have never had a word from the Lord spoken over me, and it was amazing. I'll try my best to remember what he said,
"Kaitlynn, the Lord has showed me some sort of glass, something that you can see through, but not clearly. Almost like a veil. You are on one side and God is on the other side. He loves you so much, He delights in you, but there's something in you that is blocking you from receiving God's love. He wants you to know that He loves you so much, and that you aren't experiencing even a tiny bit of it."
He also shared with me a scripture, but I can't remember what it was.
Before we went into our prayer circles on Friday night Rob, our pastor, had prayed over us that the Lord would work where we weren't even expecting Him to work. This came totally out of left field for me. But as soon as Ron started speaking to me, I knew that it was all true. I knew that I wasn't allowing the Lord to shine His physical, mental, and spiritual love on me. I was keeping His love at arm distance because I didn't believe I worthy.
Going into Friday evening I was so joyful! My heart was lighter than it had been in so long! I felt confident in being a child of God, but I wasn't allowing Him to delight in me, to absolutely love me.
Friday night after prayer the Lord really pressed into me and revealed to me that I wasn't allowing Him to show me His love because I wasn't accepting who I was. I didn't want to feel His love because I didn't know what I was missing and I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.
The LORD loves me!!! He delights in me!!! He calls me beautiful!!! I am His daughter and His precious jewel!!!
I guess part of me didn't want to believe most of the line above this for so long because I didn't want to be prideful, I didn't want to be noticed, and I just didn't believe it. But I do now.
Do YOU know that the Lord loves you?!?! Right now, whatever state your heart is in. He loves you. Period. He wants to pour out His blessings and love on you.
There's lots of changes coming in my life, and I'm excited to see them!
Until next time,
Kaitlynn
Sunday, January 29
Tuesday, January 10
A Breath of Fresh Air
It seems like I'm always saying this, that the act of being in the Word and actually being fed in a congregation makes SUCH a difference. Mostly, I'm saying it to myself because as Ann Voskamp says, "I have soul amnesia." We all go through highs and lows. It's finding the equilibrium that matters. Where is the homeostasis (bonus points for using a biology word) between myself and God? Between the world and eternity?
Tonight was my college group. We don't meet over Christmas Break, and I didn't go very much in November. I didn't realize how much I missed it. I didn't realize how foggy my vision has been lately. I was so heavy burdened and I didn't even realize it.
(photo credit)
And SO true.
The thing is though, this morning I had to absolutely trust that God would get me to work in the next town over. There was no room for thoughts of what I would do if I ran out of gas or if I was late. God is bigger than the size of our gas tank or the dollar amount in our bank account. But how often do I really rely on Him? How often do I really look to see the amazing work He's done?
This morning my vision was clouded. Not physically, but spiritually and mentally. I couldn't see past the heaviness and burden that I had put on myself. I couldn't see past needing to get good grades this term and being on time for work. I couldn't see past having wasted so much time recently watching TV shows on Netflix and generally doing nothing with my life.
But now I see that what I thought were treacherous mountains are really just little mole hills in a very vast, beautiful meadow. Everything is about perspective.
I'll be working on keeping my perspective Heaven minded and eternity bound this week. What about you?
Much love and until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie
Tonight was my college group. We don't meet over Christmas Break, and I didn't go very much in November. I didn't realize how much I missed it. I didn't realize how foggy my vision has been lately. I was so heavy burdened and I didn't even realize it.
This morning I woke up and did not want to get out of bed. I was really groggy and grumpy even after a nice hot shower. After eating I couldn't keep my eyes open and was on the verge of tears for most of the morning. I have no idea why. When I left to go to work I was really disheartened. When I got in the car I remembered that my gas gauge was on empty and that my bank account was about the same. Through the haze I knew that my only option was to call upon the Lord.
My roommate Marz has a quote on the whiteboard on her board right now.
So good!"God's abundance is a perfect match to our emptiness."
And SO true.
The thing is though, this morning I had to absolutely trust that God would get me to work in the next town over. There was no room for thoughts of what I would do if I ran out of gas or if I was late. God is bigger than the size of our gas tank or the dollar amount in our bank account. But how often do I really rely on Him? How often do I really look to see the amazing work He's done?
This morning my vision was clouded. Not physically, but spiritually and mentally. I couldn't see past the heaviness and burden that I had put on myself. I couldn't see past needing to get good grades this term and being on time for work. I couldn't see past having wasted so much time recently watching TV shows on Netflix and generally doing nothing with my life.
But now I see that what I thought were treacherous mountains are really just little mole hills in a very vast, beautiful meadow. Everything is about perspective.
I'll be working on keeping my perspective Heaven minded and eternity bound this week. What about you?
Much love and until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie
Wednesday, January 4
Seasons
We all go through different seasons in life. 2011 was a very interesting year for me. It is set apart by it's lack of music. I literally just sat here for 5 minutes and wracked my brain for an instance of music in the past year. There was just the one. I sang at my county fair.
For as long as I can remember, music has been an integral part of my life. Music has pumped through my veins.. If I were at home, I would simply run down to the Baptist church and pluck away at the piano until whatever was out of my system. Or I would put my headphones in and play as loud as I could on my keyboard. Seeing as I avoid the music hall on campus, and I don't exactly have the keys to my church here, or room for my full size keyboard.. music has suffered. Sure, I have my clarinet and guitar here, but... I'm one of those obnoxious musicians who absolutely gets lost in the music and drowns everything else out. It's how I think clearly. I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it.
I believe that there is a reason for everything, a time and a purpose. This season without music has been good and bad. I know it's something my soul is craving.
I don't think I really believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I do believe in living intentionally. Just because the calendar marks the beginning of a new year doesn't mean that anything has changed. So while I don't want to set goals or resolutions, I will share with you my intentions.
On another note, I have some really exciting news! Long story short I heard my boss from home wanted to talk to me, so I called him. He told me that he would be willing to bring me on to work 3 months early this year if I take online classes. (This was originally my idea, I just never heard back from him, so jumped to the conclusion that he didn't like it.) God is so good! So spring term I will be back in my hometown working full-time and doing school online full-time. It will be a challenge, but I can do it.
Some more exciting news. I did all the math yesterday, and found out that if I take classes this summer, I can actually graduate next June!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord. I don't know how, but it's so exciting. And I'm going to start crying just thinking about it. The opportunity to go back to work early this year really confirms for me that I'm supposed to move back home after I graduate. You see, the thing is that college was never my dream. It was His. And that's the beauty of it. I'm giving it back to Him. While I was trying to control this semi truck from back, He's been at the wheel.
So, will you pray for me? Will you pray that God completes this work in me that only He could have begun? Will you pray along side me that I can decrease so that He can increase in my life? I would greatly appreciate it.
~Kaitlynn Marie
For as long as I can remember, music has been an integral part of my life. Music has pumped through my veins.. If I were at home, I would simply run down to the Baptist church and pluck away at the piano until whatever was out of my system. Or I would put my headphones in and play as loud as I could on my keyboard. Seeing as I avoid the music hall on campus, and I don't exactly have the keys to my church here, or room for my full size keyboard.. music has suffered. Sure, I have my clarinet and guitar here, but... I'm one of those obnoxious musicians who absolutely gets lost in the music and drowns everything else out. It's how I think clearly. I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it.
I believe that there is a reason for everything, a time and a purpose. This season without music has been good and bad. I know it's something my soul is craving.
I don't think I really believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I do believe in living intentionally. Just because the calendar marks the beginning of a new year doesn't mean that anything has changed. So while I don't want to set goals or resolutions, I will share with you my intentions.
- I intend to get back on track with my Bible reading after a very long Christmas Break. {I have seen the difference in myself. I have witnessed first hand my reactions when I'm not in the Word. Why is it always the things our parents tell us to do, that end up being what we don't want to do...and yet in the end, end up doing?}
- I intend to play more music, and to not be afraid of it. {Sometimes I'm afraid to play because I'm afraid I'm going to fail. That happened more times than I can count this year. I want to get back to the place where music is my special bond to my Father. The place where the only thing that matters is that I'm worshiping.}
On another note, I have some really exciting news! Long story short I heard my boss from home wanted to talk to me, so I called him. He told me that he would be willing to bring me on to work 3 months early this year if I take online classes. (This was originally my idea, I just never heard back from him, so jumped to the conclusion that he didn't like it.) God is so good! So spring term I will be back in my hometown working full-time and doing school online full-time. It will be a challenge, but I can do it.
Some more exciting news. I did all the math yesterday, and found out that if I take classes this summer, I can actually graduate next June!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord. I don't know how, but it's so exciting. And I'm going to start crying just thinking about it. The opportunity to go back to work early this year really confirms for me that I'm supposed to move back home after I graduate. You see, the thing is that college was never my dream. It was His. And that's the beauty of it. I'm giving it back to Him. While I was trying to control this semi truck from back, He's been at the wheel.
So, will you pray for me? Will you pray that God completes this work in me that only He could have begun? Will you pray along side me that I can decrease so that He can increase in my life? I would greatly appreciate it.
~Kaitlynn Marie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)