Thursday, December 29

Thoughts

....I have been awake for a little over 36 hours.  The majority of it has been spent on the 'tall couch' at our dining room table watching the TV show Felicity.  Yeah... Most of Season 2, all of Season 3, and the first 9 episodes of Season 4.  Apparently TV shows on Netflix are my thing.  Add some extra cheese and this hopeless romantic is set to go.  You know the weird thing?  The past 36 hours have gone by extremely fast.  I seriously got almost nothing accomplished, besides watching Felicity of course.  I did do the dishes Tuesday afternoon (this is really sad.  It's already early Thursday morning.) and I did eat three good meals.  I also showered, and played guitar for like 30 minutes, which was great.  Except the only song I remember how to play right now is "Someone like you" by Adele.  Well I guess it's not a bad thing.  It's just the only thing I can currently play. 

Mar is visiting her soon to be in-laws, and Marz is house sitting.  Which is the only reason I have managed to pull off this whole 36 hour-being-awake-thing.  My eyelids are getting droopy, but I just thought I'd share part of my Christmas break with you. 

Until next time,
-Kaitlynn

Saturday, December 17

When Everything You Do

Is For God's Glory.


The past few days here have been sweet times spent with the Lord.  It shouldn't surprise me that when I take the time to actually enter the stillness, and to spend time with my God, I can see the fruit in everything else.  For me there are distinct times of rushing through, living through, and walking through time, events, and days.





 Rushing through is when I'm going a million miles an hour, I'm always out of breath, and it seems I can't see straight enough to know where I am.



  (photo credit)











Living through is just going through the motions.  Going here and there, not rushing, but not really understanding or processing anything.












Walking through is the place where  I internalize, where I can connect the dots.  Even though the world is moving around me, time stands still.  It's where I most easily meet Yeshua.   






I have a new appreciation for people who work in retail year-round.  I'm on day two and already my knees are killing me!  But it's a small thing to suffer, for how fun my job really is.  I'm a 'greeter' at Hallmark.  Translation: Smile and talk to people when they come in. 

I can do this! 

Last night I had my first shift and I prayed the whole way there that God would give me humility in learning a new set of job-skills, and that I would shine for Him. 

This morning, I spent the car ride there praying the same thing. That my smiles and "How are you doing todays" would be more than just surface things.  I prayed that they would truly come from within and that Jesus would shine through me. 

There were lots of people in and out of the store today.  It's amazing how much a smile and a few kind words can really change someone's disposition.  One older lady commented to me that she was glad that I told her Merry Christmas.  She said she missed hearing it around.  She was truly happy.  Something so small on my part.

There was another lady that I helped with her shopping.  I can't even really remember what it was that I helped her find.  An ornament or two and an address book small enough to fit in her purse.  She was a sweet, grandmotherly sort and by the end of her shopping she was calling me by name and wishing me a Merry Christmas.  I was surprised to see her about an hour later.  I told her hello again, and she promptly asked me how long I was working.  I told her until four, and she said good.  She wanted to make sure I would be there ten minutes later, and not on break or something.

A short time later she walked in with a little red gift bag in her hand.  She walked right up to me and said, "Kaitlynn, this is a Christmas gift for you.  Thank you for helping me this morning, I appreciate it!  You can go ahead and open it now."

I was speechless and probably would have started crying if I'd had a little more time to think about it.  I opened the bag and inside was an angel ornament that she had had customized with my name and 2011.  I thanked her, gave her a hug,  told her to have a blessed Christmas, and she was gone.  I never even got her name.

I turned around to face my co-workers, and one of them was crying.  They'd never seen anything like it. 

To God be the glory. 

I hope that what the grandmotherly sweetheart saw in me today was Jesus.  I know it couldn't have been my knowledge of the store or products...it was my second day today.  Her kindness blessed me beyond belief.  I went to the back room and thanked the Lord. 

My goal is simply to be the warmth and love of the Father.  So many little old ladies make their way into our store, and I wonder how often they get to talk to someone.  How often do they see their children and grandkids?  I know now that this job wasn't sent to me because I needed the money.  I was sent to this job because I have a role to fill in impacting people. 

I may not be able to say anything about my Savior, but I can smile, ask how d'ya do, and simply love people.  Now more than ever I cry out, "To God be the glory."


Where in your own life can you be the hands and feet of Jesus?  

Until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie

Wednesday, December 14

Praise the Lord

I sit here so happy, so full of joy that I know I must share it with the world.  The Lord has blessed me so, and it's incredible to see His works fulfilled in my life, and the lives of those around me!  I love how the Lord works, and I love that His timing is always right, always perfect.

 I have been job hunting since August.  I've sent resume after resume to no apparent avail.  And then a little over a month ago God used my aunt to put me in contact with a potential employer.  At the time she didn't have any open positions.  Meanwhile, I knew that when God wanted me to have a job, I would have a job.  I haven't been too terribly worried about it.

And then 2 weeks ago my aunt texted me and told me to go get on Craigslist.  The employer had called my aunt to tell her that she posted a job there.  So I found the job posting and once again sent in my resume.  I never heard anything back, and so I trusted God with my future job.

Since then I've applied for another position, but haven't heard back from it either.  So I decided earlier this week that I would head home today.  That if I hadn't heard anything from anyone, it was God's will and it would be enough.  I think I decided on today because my mother called and said I had a dentist appointment at home on Friday.  I hate the dentist.  Always have, and most likely always will.  It takes me about a day to prepare, so today was the day.

Well, today was the day, until I got a phone call.
A voicemail actually saying that yes she would love to bring me on, and could I start Thursday or Friday?  I get to greet people... as a job.  Hallelujah!!
I called her back, confirmed the phone call, then about burst into tears when I hung up.  How great is our God?  His timing is absolute.  He always makes sure we're provided for.

So praise #1: You are reading the blog of an employed woman!  The work is supposed to last until New Years, but that in itself is such a blessing!  I cannot glorify the Name of the Lord enough!



Because I now have a job, that means that I'm staying in College town for Christmas.  Mar and I have been talking about getting a Christmas tree for a while, but never did because we both weren't going to be here.

After my exciting news last night, we decided that a Christmas tree from the little place down the road would be a great celebration!  Well it was a good idea until Mar's boyfriend suggested we wait because he had actually bought tree permits for them to go tree hunting today.... Sneaky, sneaky boy!

And so Mar and I jumped to the obvious conclusion...he was going to propose!  So we got super squirly and then went and got large coffees (at 6:00pm...bad idea).  Then J came over and the 3 of us hung out and watched 8 Below and when he went home just after midnight, we got all excited again, but realized that just because we thought Mar might be getting engaged today didn't mean she was.  The coffee, adrenaline, giggles, and whispering kept us up until 2:00 this morning..

We both calmed down and were pretty normal getting ready.  Then they went Christmas tree hunting and I picked up the book I'm reading (Fifth Seal by Bodie and Brock Thoene.  I HIGHLY recommend their books!!! SO. MUCH. TRUTH!) right now, and it was a normal afternoon.  I was praying for my lunch and the two of them, just putting everything into God's hands, when I got the prompt on my phone at 1:34 that said, one new picture waiting to be downloaded, I about lost it!  SSSSOOOO excited for two of my best friends on this planet.

Not only are these two seriously my best friends, they are amazing examples of a relationship centered around the Lord.  I am blessed by them so so much!  It's so good to see God growing in them individually and in their relationship, and I'm just so excited to see them take this next step in life.  We are growing up.  It's crazy, and I cannot believe it sometimes, but it's real!  I'm so thankful that God put them in my life.


So praise #2: My best friend is engaged.

It's kind of a weird praise I guess, but it just makes sense.  God gets all the glory in their relationship, and that folks is what it's all about.  Not J's glory, not Mar's glory, but God's glory.  His work through them.

What do you have to be thankful for today?  Make it made known to God.  He's excited to share in your joy!

All the glory to God!
-Kaitlynn Marie

Saturday, December 10

When you can't ignore it...


You know those times that the Lord is telling you something?  I'm thinking more about the times he's telling you something and you unceremoniously refuse. {okay..maybe it's just me that does that..}  I have two prime examples for you this lovely evening in the hopes that you will recognize the voice of the Father and obey.

Example 1
Setting: Fall Retreat {a.k.a beautiful Sun River..very beautiful..think rustic/fancy cabin, slightly chilly as in snowy chilly, and the presence of our Father}
Time: 7:19 AM..or somewhere roughly around there
Scene: Kaitlynn is woken up by slightly panicking roommate Mar.

Mar: Kaitlynn..(no response).. Kaiiiitlynn.
Kaitlynn: (sits up) yeah?
Mar: My phone is between the bed and the wall and the alarm is going to go off in like 5 minutes... will you help me move the bed before it goes off and wakes everyone up?
Kaitlynn: Okay.

So we proceed to rescue said phone...albeit by moving the whole bed.. the phone somehow got stuck between the box frame and the wall...
At this point Mar gets up to shower and Kaitlynn grabs all the blankets and gets ready to sleep for another 25 minutes per the pre-allotted time as organized the night before.

            God: Good morning, beautiful daughter!
            Kaitlynn: Good morning, Daddy.  (eyes closed, but smiling)
God: I know you want to sleep for another 25 minutes, but I’d like it if you came outside and spent some time with me this morning.
Kaitlynn: Daddy, didn’t you see the memo last night?  I’m spending time with You from 8:00-8:30, after I shower.  I have 23 minutes left of sleep..
God: I did see your memo last night....I have other plans though.  I want you to come outside and watch the sunrise with Me.  I want to spend some quality time with you to start your day.
Kaitlynn: Buuuuut, Dadddd it’s really cold outside!  And it’s sssoooo warm under all these blankies.  Can’t we just wait ‘till after I shower?  I’m not even really awake yet, and I haven’t had any coffee, and (interrupted)
God: Come out here, Kaitlynn.
Kaitlynn: Sorry, Daddy.  I’m just gonna sleep for 17 more minutes.  See you in half an hour.

I snuggle down in my blankies and pretend that I’m not ignoring the Maker of the Universe... 17 minutes later...

Mar: (walking out of the bathroom and whispering so as not to wake the other girls) Kaitlynn, did you see the text from Chad?
Kaitlynn: No. (gets up to check phone.  Reads message that says something like: “Hey guys, I announced the wrong start time for Chapel this morning.  It actually starts at 9:00...not 9:30.  [Leaders] Please meet at 8:30 in foyer..”)  Oh.
Mar: Yeah.. we need to tell the girls and start breakfast.. now!
Kaitlynn: Okay.  I’m gonna hop in the shower.  We still have 15ish minutes before we need to wake everyone up.

So I take a nice warm shower, get dressed, and look outside to the porch outside our room.  Then it hits me.  The Lord knew that I would ‘unexpectedly’ be running 30 minutes behind.  Which was why He wanted me to spend time with Him before my pre-planned time.  At this point I just stare out the window and ask for forgiveness.  I’m so selfish.  

           

Example 2
Setting: Kaitlynn’s Apartment
Time: Not exactly important...
Scene: Kaitlynn feels gentle nudging to pick up book she’s been trying[somewhat half-heartedly] to read for 2 weeks.

She gets on Pinterest...

A few hours later, same nudging feeling creeps in.
Kaitlynn watches Beauty and the Beast instead.

The next day, as Kaitlynn is again on Pinterest...the nudging.

            God: Kaitlynn, dear I’d like You to go read your book.
            Kaitlynn: Sorry, Lord but I’m busy.
            God: No you’re not..you’re actually really bored...
            Kaitlynn: Okay, I am...but still. (continues to pursue nothing on Pinterest)

A little later

            God: Are you ready to listen to me now?
            Kaitlynn: (exhales) I guess so..
            God: Why do you fight me?  You love to read!!!
Kaitlynn: I know, Daddy... I’m just stubborn and don’t like to admit my failures.  I know I have things we need to work out. 
God: I know, sweetheart.  Come to me.  My arms are open and waiting for you.  I will always love you.  You know that!  So why do you doubt it?
Kaitlynn: I don’t doubt that you love me!!  I doubt my own mind in a happy ending.  Will you grow in me a trust for You above all others?
God: (just smiles, and takes my hand)

And I go read.  And it’s exactly what I need. 


I don’t want anyone to be confused...  I don’t hear God speak audibly.  My conversations with God are more like impressions on my heart.  That being said, the impressions on my heart are words of their own.  They are heart-spirit conversations with my Maker.  Since He created me, He knows how to speak to me in a way that cannot be denied or ignored... well I do my best to ignore them sometimes...but I never last for long!!
Some people do hear audible words from the Lord, some see images from the Lord.  Everyone is different, and every walk with God is different.  This is just what mine looks like. :)

I hope these confessions bolster you to turn and listen to the Father the first time.  The school of hard knocks is not what I recommend.

Thanks for reading.  To God be the glory!!
~Kaitlynn Marie

Wednesday, December 7

Back to Simplicity

Slowing down and finding the stillness has been a good thing for me this week. I've felt out of control. The Lord is showing me once again that {thankfully} I don't have to need to be in control. I'm switching majors again.... This time I think will be permanent.

I know that I'm not an academic....yes I am a learner, a person who likes to learn things. But classrooms and textbooks don't inspire me. And as hard as I've tried, I cannot live life uninspired. Maybe there are people who can, but I am not one of them. Which is absolutely okay! :)

I'm switching my major back to agricultural science. There I won't have to take as much science or chemistry, and I might, just might actually graduate next year. I've never been able to see myself graduating before... {chuckle}. But now I can.

Don't be afraid to live YOUR life. The 1 life that God has given you.


Until next time
Kaitlynn Marie

Sunday, December 4

In the Stillness

The stillness... that place between the rumblings of earth and the glories of heaven.  Do you know the place?  The place where we can feel the touch of the Father, and we can simply sit?  This familiar place can sometimes have unfamiliar paths that lead towards it.  Sometimes, we can't find the deer trail that the Lord is pointing us to, and sometimes we take a look at that interstate and turn around, never imagining that it was there God wanted to meet us in the stillness. 

I guess I've never called it by name.  But if fits.  In the stillness is where my breathing fades away, peace steals over me, and I can just talk with my Abba.  It is here that time stands still and I see things through different eyes.  Eyes that built the world...one word at a time. 

Today I didn't even realize I was there with my Lord when it came over me.  I found what it is I've been looking for.  In the past few years I have had the tendency to dance from idea to idea.. never staying with one for long because it didn't seem right.  Most people would call it growing up.  Up until now I've always felt that the decisions I make in this stage of my life will forever shape what I'm to do, and that once a final decision has been made, there's no changing, no going back. 

Looking at my previous logic now makes me chuckle.  God is forever molding us, shaping us, stretching us to make us more like Him.  Naturally then, how could one career or job title allow me that?  I realize that I'm just fine with not being able to see past the next 5 years.  It's scary how much that actually puts me at ease.  I don't have to have all of the answers.  I can finish my degree, and then take the steps that have been literally right in front of my face for the last 3 years. 

Would you like to know what God revealed to me in the stillness today?  Of course, it was something I already knew... but I'd never put it into the right light or perspective before. 
This is what I learned today:
I love my job.  I love dispatching wildfires.  I love small town home that I have spent over half of my life in.  I have the strength, patience, and love for my Lord to wait for my husband there.  

The Lord has not started a work in me that He will not finish.  His work isn't done for me in my little town at home which hosts no traffic lights, no department stores, and no busyness.  Safeway and Subway are the only names you would recognize if you drove through the place of my birth.

And once again... it makes sense.  Move home and live with my parents until I can find a place of my own to rent.  Someplace small, with one or two bedrooms, and maybe a backyard so I can get a dog.  There I can continue to write and learn.  I can be a wildfire dispatcher.  I can discover what it is that the Creator has hidden for me in this world. 

And maybe it will be there that I meet my Prince Charming.. and maybe it's not.  From there I may be called to missions or back here to my university-town.  I ask myself sometimes how I know it's really God's call or will for me to do something.  Others have asked me as well.  For me, it's simple.  I know it's God's call when there are no if, buts, ands, or ors about it.  There are no strings attached.  It comes from an unlikely place, and yet it's the most organic solution to the problem.  Haha... that's not a scientific answer, or even one I would recommend using to judge your own life...but it is how every call on my life has been. 

In this new decision I'm not afraid or sad[yet] to leave my friends, I'm not afraid of being trapped in a small town for the rest of my life.  I'm content to just be.  I'm content to serve in this capacity.  This too will be enough.

Is there an unanswered question or prayer in your own life that maybe just needs to be looked at in a different light?  Have you taken time to really enter the stillness and be with your Creator, or have you asked from a distance, unwilling to commit your whole being to it?  Find that place, and ask again.  You may be surprised by the answer you receive.  Thank you for reading.

-Kaitlynn Marie