Wholly Committed

Tonight I went to a bible study at my home church.  They are working on a study by Chip Ingram called Living on the Edge. Dare to Experience True Spirituality.  The topic tonight was about what God wants the most from us.  The answer?  Complete surrender.

One of the questions asked was, "What is your biggest barrier to complete surrender?  Is there anything that keeps you from saying 'I'm all in'? Or for those of you who are all in, what was the number one fear that kept you from surrendering to Christ?"  I was the youngest person in the room by at least 20 years, and most of the answers that came from the other attendees had to do with being selfish, and wanting to maintain control over their lives.  This is what I wrote:

What if I fail?

 Sure, I worry about having to give up things I like to do, or living in a comfortable home, but the thing that holds me back most of the time is failure.  What happens if I royally screw something up?  I chose, many years ago, to give my life fully to Christ and let him take the reins.  Human nature, my sinful nature, has tried to take the reins back at many different stages.  But what I have to learn is that I can't take back what I've already given... it's more like a little struggle.. which generally ends with me landed in the mud, with a wheel stuck.  At which point I choose to walk away for a while to clear my head and decide what I'm going to do.

The thing is, if we were all perfect, if we never failed and never did anything wrong, we would not know God's grace.  We wouldn't know the love of being welcomed back into the arms of the Father, and we wouldn't see mercy up close and personal.  The cross wouldn't hold any meaning, and the resurrection of our Saviour would be pointless.  But we do make mistakes. Every. Single. Day.  Little ones, big ones, green ones, purple ones.  It's how we respond to our own mistakes, and what we choose to do with the consequences and our actions that bring us closer to the Lord.  I'm a real-life, messy all the time, beautiful, loud {you may not believe it, just ask my mother.. the good Lord gave me lungs}, and sometimes crazy girl.  I say stupid things, hold stupid grudges, sing at the top of my lungs and don't pick up my clothes.  I hit the snooze button a minimum of 5 times every morning, and struggle within myself to do the right thing and choose God over convenience and/or laziness.  In fact, I'm still struggling to open my Bible.  Right now.  Pray for me?  We are called "The children of God" for a reason.  When we choose to be a part of this family we have to relearn everything.  Walking isn't just one foot in front of the other anymore.  Now it includes our spiritual feet.   Talking isn't just about voicing our opinion, and communicating that we need to eat or sleep.  We now have to learn to use our voice to pray, worship, and lift each other up.  Learning now encompasses places that we cannot see, and events that have not taken place yet.  Interesting how you don't hear "The teenagers of God" or "The adults of God"..... Nobody wants to grow up, right?  This is the perfect time to really embrace our childhood and relearn everything from the ground up.  Literally.  

Moving Forward

Tonight my momma and I got to pray together about some extended family issues.  It's so good to be reminded through prayer of the strength of the Lord.  He can accomplish anything.

I've been struggling with anger towards my sister.  The past year has actually been very hard.  She's made decisions that I don't agree with, and that I feel have disrespected our family and everything we stand for.  But I'm reminded that her choices are her own.  The only thing I can do is love her.

Momma and I have been watching One Tree Hill, and this quote is from season 9.

 "Love means giving chances when there are no more chances left to give."

When I heard that I realized that at the end of the day, we will always be sisters.  I can waste time being upset at the choices she's made, be mad at how she's treated me, but in the end it doesn't matter.  All that matters is that I love her for who she is and pray that she finds the Lord.  We always said that we wouldn't be like our parent's siblings.  They hate each other and fight all the time, and it's painful.  I refuse to get to that point.  I don't know what my relationship with my sister is supposed to look like, but I know that I'm supposed to love her and pray for her.  The rest I leave for the Lord.

The Rift

Hello all,

It's been almost 6 months since I've posted here.  Almost 6 months since I've entered this community of believers to find encouragement and strength.  I can't believe it's been that long.  I've drifted away from the Lord these past 6 months, and one of the only things that I've found encouragement in every day is the KLove Encouraging Word.  Every time I hear the "tweet" on my phone and look to see what it is, there's been a sense of dread and guilt, but also one of longing.  Every day the Lord has tried to reach me, and every day I've turned away.  This summer has been a drifting one.  One of traveling and almost non-stop working.  Literally.  My heart and my soul can't take this rift I've somehow created.  Today, I'm reposting my last post.  Because honestly, I don't remember writing it... and beyond that, it was written for me.  So here is Faith, and praying that my journey will continue one step at a time. 

Life... Lately
Faith [in God] must be whole hearted, unwavering, and stronger than death.  You must have no reservations, and there's no turning back.  Faith is how you honor the Lord every day.  It's easy to trust the Lord in the good times, when everything is great and life seems easy.  But where will you run, to whose arms will you go when the going gets tough?

I hope the answer is straight to the arms of the Loving Father.  None of us are perfect.  We all stumble and fall.  We must get back up again.  We must continue to fight for the Lord.  I just finished the book The Warrior by Francine Rivers.  The book is about Caleb.  I don't think that I really understood his story before now.  But then again, I don't think I was supposed to.  God's timing is perfect in everything.  In everything there is a purpose.  For those of us who need a refresher, here's the rundown on Caleb.

Caleb was a distant relative of the tribe of Judah.  He traveled from Egypt into the wilderness with the children of Israel when Moses led them out of captivity.  When they finally reached the Promised Land, Caleb was chosen from the tribe of Judah to enter the land and scout it out.  He and Joshua were the only two who came back and gave truthful reports of their 40 day journey.  Because they were 2 out of 12 who spoke the truth, the Lord judged Israel and led them to wander in the desert for 40 years.  Joshua and Caleb were the only two men from their generation to enter the Promised Land.  It was because of their faith in the Lord to give to them what was already theirs.

There it is: faith.  Caleb had to believe with every fiber of his being that the Lord was going to provide for them and hold true to His word and promises.  He faced giants and perversion and nearly 1 million of his brothers and sisters who didn't believe.  Yet, his faith was strongly secured in the Lord.

Life is so much harder than people make it out to be.  Our youth have no idea what is waiting for them when they leave the halls of their high schools.  Why?  Is it because we don't want to burden them with the weight of the world when they are young?  It is only a burden the Lord was supposed to carry.  We've all heard the saying that ignorance is bliss.  Yes, the not knowing is generally preferred.  To the point that our society looks away from the abuse and mistreatment that so many peoples of our world face.  They turn away from the fact that these people need Jesus just as much as you and me.

Looking at the big picture can be overwhelming.  What are your gifts?  Are you passionate about music?  Then share Jesus and the joy of music with those around you!  Are you an advocate for education of all peoples?  Then share it.  Find an avenue to help educate people.  Homeside or abroad!  Maybe you're interested in agriculture.  There are so many people who just need us to come alongside them and assure them that, yes they can do it.  The hardest step is the one that takes you out your front door.  It's the step that leads you to friends and family to share with them that you are going to do something.  It's the one that scares me too.  But faith is what we're called to, and faith is what the Lord will give us when He calls.

Life, as always, has ups and downs.  I'm just trying to find the Lord in everything.  It's hard.  Really hard.  But then again, we were never promised an easy life.  Being Kingdom minded really puts a spin on things.  It makes some things that didn't seem so important before shine, and the things that used to shine dull to a dark gray.  I find that I don't get so overwhelmed when I live one moment at a time.  What helps you keep your eyes on the Father?

Until next time,
Kaitlynn