For the past few years of my life I have felt this restlessness inside that for awhile I couldn't even begin to explain. I just felt like there was something more important to be living for than good grades and learning where to put a comma in a sentence. These are good things in life, but I believe there is so much more.
The small town that I come from has a surprisingly large number of churches for the number of people. It would be true to say that most of my community is religious and/or attends church on a weekly basis. But to most people in my community, God is just someone you hear about on Sundays or Wednesdays. In my community, there are few it seems who have anything to do with Christ and his Kingdom outside of church buildings.
We do all of the right things. We go to church on Sunday, we donate food to Food Share, we tithe, and we pray for those around us and across the world who don't have a personal relationship with Jesus. My community is mostly dormant though. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone knows who the christians are, and who the non-religious people are. For some reason we don't feel the need to reach out to those around us. God isn't talked about on a daily basis in most homes across my community. In Sunday School, we are told to read our Bibles every day and to pray and to be good examples in school. We are taught to not cuss or do drugs or have sex.
We are told these things... what NOT to do. More often than not though, we aren't told what we can be doing to further the kingdom of God. Sarah (my best friend.. I've decided that since you don't probably know me personally, I can use her real name with no harm.) and I decided around freshman year that we needed to be doing more. We had learned all the Bible stories, and grown up in christian homes, but we knew there was something we were missing.
We decided to start a Bible Study and order some books to help us through our reading of the scriptures. You see, when we were young we had always been told that we shouldn't just open our Bibles and start reading wherever we find ourselves. We were told that you need to have a purpose when you read the Bible, and that just opening the Bible won't give you answers you're looking for. I do not believe that this statement is true. I believe that God can work through His Holy Word in miraculous ways. You see, when I was told that, I felt that in order to read the Bible I had to have a plan, or I needed to start at the first chapter of every book and read everything in order. I became scared that I would be punished for something. Looking back, that doesn't even make sense. If you believe this, I have good news for you. It's not true.
I believed that I needed a book or Bible reading plan to guide me in my trek through the Bible. All that God wants from us though is our heart. He wants us to want to know Him more. That's the beauty of it. Reading the Bible is not some religious, outward thing we do to show others we're christians. We do it to grow closer to God's own heart.
I don't think I truly realized this until the beginning of this school year. I still thought that I needed something guiding me. Or when I tried to dig into the Word on my own, I would just get overwhelmed. What I needed was someone to tell me that it doesn't matter where you start. You can start with something small. You can read one verse. Most importantly though, talk to God. He has so much He wants to show you through His inspired Word. Read something, then meditate on it, or talk to God about it. Maybe a song comes to mind. Spending time with God doesn't have to be you putting on a big show. Something simple, coming from your heart is all He wants.
After Sarah and I decided to do something about our lives, we began to see things in our lives that God wanted us to change. Some things were our attitudes towards our siblings, and how our time was spent. You wanna know a secret? We did our best to change these things, but time and again we failed. You see, Sarah and I... we're human. Ha, I know, big surprise, right? We're christians, and we're supposed to have everything figured out. That's another lie that people are told. I'm telling you, it's NOT true. Sure we failed. The difference though? We knew we failed. I think that this is one of the most important parts of growing in Christ. When you can see what you've done wrong, you can see how to fix it. After failing time and time and time again, we began to pour our hearts out to God. I prayed continually to have a better attitude towards my family. God heard my prayers, and opened my heart for healing. I still mess up.. a lot. But God uses those opportunities for me to turn to Him and repent and grow closer to His heart. The good news is that God answers prayers. I honestly believe that. He has changed my heart so much the past few years, and I am so thankful for the distance He has brought me so far.
I believe that there is more to life than going to college, getting married, having a job, and being successful in whatever you choose. I believe that I was put on this earth for something more. I don't think it's a mistake that Sarah and I decided to question the things we knew at such a young age. I don't think it's a mistake that I'm writing on this blog about God and His plan for me. I believe that I am blessed. God doesn't need me to do anything. He wants me though. He wants to use me for something. I'm not completely sure what that is yet, but I know the He has a plan. Every day I will keep asking, keep searching, and keep knocking. I have been promised answers, and so have you. God's will is always the best way, even if it's the hardest or most confusing.
I don't want to just live my life. I don't want to get a job and be comfortable and live a good life than die. I want to live for Jesus Christ. I want to answer the call that was given after Jesus rose from the grave. He said, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature". I believe there is so much more to life than just living. This song really sums up how I feel. If you haven't heard it, I would strongly suggest listening to it on YouTube or something. God bless, and thanks for reading. If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment or email me. I'd love to hear from you. :)
Motions by Matthew West
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life
'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way
I don't wanna go through the motions
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