I do... about every other day. Crying out to God is something that I need to be doing every day. I hate being complacent, and I think that it's about the worst place a believer can be. To be complacent to me means that I think I'm doing alright, which is usually an immediate eye-opener that the only person I'm fooling is myself.
I'm human, so I will make mistakes.... every day. There's no buts or ands about it. What I forget sometimes is that I'm not just human, I'm a born again christian. I believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for me. My sin separates me from heaven and eternity with my father, Abba. But Jesus, he paid the un-payable price. He was totally innocent, and yet he let people wrongly accuse him of horrible things. He is the epitome of true love.
Because I am a born again christian, I have an amazing opportunity every day. I can come to my God, being broken and battered, and ask for forgiveness. No matter how horrible a thing I've done. But asking for forgiveness is something like a promise. One of my favorite teachers of all time used to tell my class that, "Saying your sorry means you promise not to do it again." Hearing that turned my world upside down.
I need to choose to lead an intentional life. I know for me, it's not plausible to just live. I believe that this incredible earth I love has an intelligent creator. I believe that it was no accident I was created and put on this earth. I can't see where I'm supposed to be going or what I'm supposed to be doing. Heck, I can't think about cleaning my room without almost having a melt-down. Doing homework seems pointless, especially when I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Meeting new people is more scary than almost anything I can imagine, and yet I have to keep pressing on.
You see, I get the same answer every time I fall on my knees. The answer is that I just need to keep doing what I'm doing. It may seem as though there is no rhyme or reason to my life, but that's okay. I have to trust. What kind of relationship do I really have with God if there is no trust? If I don't trust Him with my WHOLE life, then He cannot work in me. I cannot continue to grow closer to Him until I give over my fear each and EVERY day. Do you know how incredibly hard it is put your faith in something that you can't see or feel or touch?
Lately I've been really missing home. It's been 10 1/2 weeks since I've been back. I'm a small-town girl who finds solace in sprawling fields of alfalfa and calves chasing each other in the springtime. I miss driving down the highway and only seeing one car in a twenty-minute time span. I miss seeing butterflies and going to the grocery store and recognizing every car in the parking lot. I miss laying on my back in the grass or on my trampoline and watching the clouds float by while quail run around my yard. Do you know why I miss these things? :) I miss these things because to me, they are a tangible representation of God's love. Standing at the top of the nearest mountain and looking down into the valley is always a deeply intimate time between my Savior and me. I don't know why, but it is. I love nature and being outdoors.
These are things I didn't realize until I left my quiet, country home for the city. It struck me even more this week on a trip to L.A. with one of the bands I'm in. I'm a simple kind of person who will any day be more at home on a farm or ranch than in college or the city. But God has put me here for a purpose. I have something to learn here, and more growing to do. I'm still working on and struggling through choosing to intentionally live for Jesus every day. It's a hard process. Rome wasn't built in a day, and so I will keep moving on.
A year or two ago I read two books by Corrie Ten Boom. They were The Hiding Place and Tramp for the Lord. If you don't know Corrie's story, I won't spoil it for you. Today I am reminded that my life is not my own, and that I need to be living for God no matter what I'm doing. I would highly recommend both books for anyone who hasn't read them. I would read The Hiding Place first. It's Corrie's story of her life during WWII. It changed my life. I'll leave you with a quote that is found in Tramp for the Lord.
"My life is but a weaving between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned."
~Author Unknown
Jesus loves you, and so do I. Be blessed and go with Him.
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