The Journey

It's not about the destination.  It's about the journey.

For the last few months I have been considering transferring schools.  Currently I attend a large public university, and I was looking into a private college in the Portland, OR area.  I really felt God tugging at my heart to follow Him and watch Him work in my life.  God works in amazing and almost always mysterious ways.

Part of the reason I was looking to transfer was because I knew a private christian college would give me the opportunity of a lifetime to learn and deepen my faith in the Lord.  Secondly, as I said earlier, I'm at a large university right now, and I'm a small-town girl.  A smaller campus would be much easier for me to handle, and I felt like it would force me to become a more dedicated student.

One big plus to the move would be that I would also get to spend the next four years with my best friend from home.  When we went to visit earlier last term, we both seriously considered and thought about attending without the other.  We both desperately want God's will in our lives.

So, in preparation to potentially transferring, I filled out the paperwork, visited campus, talked to an advisor, and tried to prepare my family for a large change.  I knew that the only way this was going to work was from a miracle from God.  Private Christian Colleges in the Pacific Northwest aren't exactly cheap.  God did provide.  But He gave me a choice.

You see, after many tears and frustrating phone calls with my parents last term, I knew that I had to have their FULL support in this decision.  I don't believe that God would ask me to do something without my parent's blessing, and I want their blessing.  Desperately.  Not because I'm not capable of making decisions on my own or because I'm scared of living a life of my own.  I want to honor my parent's wishes because that is what I am commanded to do in the Old Testament.  (Exodus 20:12)

My sister often tells me that I can do whatever I want because I'm 18 and legally an adult in this country. I know that I have someone bigger to answer to when this life fades away, and I don't want to have to stand before Him and tell Him that I did something just because I could.  I make enough mistakes already, that I don't want to add any more to the pile.

Throughout this process I have struggled.  I've been giving everything to Him, but still trying to do everything myself.  As my pastor talked about on Easter Sunday, "Like a hamster on a wheel, just running and running and running."  Where will I get if I'm just running on a wheel?  No where.  During Spring Break I realized that unintentionally I had been holding a little bit back from God in this decision.  And when I really let it all go, I could truly see myself in any situation.  At that point I was truthfully able to say, "God, Your will, not mine!"  It's amazing to feel the weight totally lifted off of your shoulders.

As I said, God gave me a choice.  I would be able to transfer, but I would have to take out a small loan to do it, and living would be tight-reined.  I had an extensive talk with my father one night while on Spring Break, and he simply told me that he didn't want me start my life in debt to another man.  I don't have any loans taken out where I am, and even with tuition rising a little for next year, I'll still be okay.  My parents didn't say no.  They asked me to really think about it.  That right there was enough for me to say, "Thank you, Jesus for this opportunity.  Thank you for everything you've taught me and showed me  through this time.  And thank you for the wisdom of my parents."

I have decided to stay where I'm at, for a few reasons.

• I believe that God has me here for a very specific reason.  I'm not sure what it is or why, but I will continue to trust in Him and follow Him.  
• I have an AMAZING body of believers surrounding me.  Truly!  When I think about it, I am just speechless.  I have an amazing church, an amazing college group, opportunities for small groups, and an awesome early morning bible study.
• God has placed people in my life that push me to be a better person for Jesus.  Every. Single. Day.  I don't know what I would do without all my friends that I've met this year, but especially Mar and Jason :)
• It is a testament to the Lord that I have grown so much this past 20some weeks at school.  I thought I was living my life to the fullest for Jesus in September, and now I can't believe where my faith has taken me.  I can't wait to continue to grow closer to my Lord and Saviour.  
• Music.  All Fall term Mar and I really felt God urging us to be a shining light to the marching band.  It is so full of crude behavior, sick jokes, and darkness.  I feel like I can't just sit here and do nothing.  It'll be hard, but I'm not going to turn and run away when my Lord comes knocking.
• God has provided for me right here where I am at.  I won't throw that away.
• Lastly, I have peace about this decision.  I have a spectacular roommate for next year, a new major, and a heart yearning for God.  

Throughout this process, it looked as though transferring was the goal.  But I realize now, that it was the journey I was on that was the goal.  I've learned so much about myself, about God, and about what the purpose of my life is in the past few months.  I still don't know what I'm going to do when I grow up.  

I'm changing my major to elementary education!  And I couldn't be happier.  It's a new chapter in my life.  I will still struggle, and I will still fail.  But take heart, because I am.  It takes time to grow closer to God and to build a strong relationship with Him.  I'd say I'm almost out of the pre-teen stage in my walk with the Lord.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I'm walking, I'm moving, I'm thinking, I'm praying.  

I hope everyone has a great Spring term.  We actually have some sunshine today!  Enjoy it while it lasts, folks.  :)

Jesus loves you and so do I!

~your sister in Christ (: